The ego :
"I didnt email you coz you didnt reply to the last email i sent 37 days ago ..."
"I didnt call coz you didnt return mine when i last called you 2 days ago, thought you are too busy..."
"I won't have dinner with you coz you refused to come out the two consecutive times I asked you ..."
"I didnt wish you on your birthday even though I remembered it coz you didnt wish me.."
And the guilt:
"I have to go out with her coz I already refused twice! ..."
"I have to call them for dinner coz I had dinner at their place already once."
"Oh i know that person called me twice I gotto call back"
"Oh no he always reply to my email instantaneously and I keep dragging and dragging"
Don't we all keep accounts sometime or other? I don't know how many instances of these account are active in our tiny minds and with how many people ... And well these are never expressed explicitly..its well-understood by both the concerned parties.
And right now - I can actually list down the people I need to call/email becasue it is "my turn" and get a list of people who are supposed to email me first before I send my next email...
I keep it. I know a lot of my close friends who keep it too. What is it? Is it ego? Is it an excuse to not make extra efforts to get the relationship going? Or is it just punishing the other person in your own cold way for not being accomodating enough. I don't know..
I was once told:
"Life mein kabhi khud se jyada kisiko bhaav mat dena - this is something you owe to yourself" (Never give more weightage to anyone than you give yourself)
Well that is true - however in this scenario - there are certain things you do owe to yourself and well making extra efforts to be in touch with someone you care is probably one of them..right?
Current song : Sadkon mein nikla - tanha akela
saath mere kaun hai" (Lucky ali)
Current state: Cooked beans and Kadhi (burnt the beans) - wondering