Love ...

Yesterday I had a very engaging discussion with my friends ... About being in love with 2 folks (I can hear mary chuckle as she reads the above line) ...It all started with the movie "Mujhse Shaadi Karogi" where the female was confused about whom she should marry.
By my definition of love - I felt it was not possible at same point in time to be in love with 2 folks, at different points in time totally possible and if you are talking about true love as being love of human beings then yeah at that state you can feel for multiple people...a few of them felt that I did not open up to the mental state of other folks who can fall in love with two folks ... I on the otherhand had a point of view that those folks feel that they are in love but I dont think they are and in the course of discussion some very interesting point of views came up - love is extreme form of likeness, you cannot love 2 people at the same time as a director cannot make two movies at the same time (or a painter cannot draw two paintings at the same time), love consumes you, or that all consuming love is actually infactuation, and a very interesting point that love has a imaginary part and a real part , will you stop loving if the person leaves you? However, finally as true blue engineers we concluded that if love can be measured in intensity in a scale from 1 to 10, and if at point 7 we reach a state that only one person can be loved by you then that is my definition of love and if someone defines love as point 5 then he can possibly be in love with multiple folks...then someone said tumhaara love love aur hammara love paani, when someone else retorted, tumhaare love ki definition hee paani hai..lot of logic and mathematics went into defining what love is and I thought let me have one attempt to describe the feeling of love for myself (as what I feel is love) starting from a clean slate but deriving from my own observations and experiences. I fear that I might end up contradicting myself at different points or change my course- as that's what I feel love is - illogical, constantly changing, confusing ...

But then I also feel it is a state of peacefulness, a state of security, a place of belonging...it sometimes begins with a state of complete chaos...how lucky are those who have experienced that chaos, who have experienced that complete madness, loss of identity, breakdown of reason, loss of the concept of "I". It's a state of high, its a state of restlessness. It's a state of "goose bumps and sudden smiles". It's that stage when you argue against yourself, against your own reasons.. it awakens you from your mundane slumber, it intensifies if you try to defy it, you find a purpose, purpose in a person... It's a feeling you fail to comprehend , or justify to someone else - "Arre you won't understand" - as this feeling is not coming from your conscious, it is coming from you unconscious, the part of you who doesnot care about reasons, have you ever felt that part of yours? Have you ever had to answer the question - "why are you smiling" :).
If you accept that chaos, accept that breakdown of self, your chaos ends in an harmony, the harmony I call as love, as you have acknowledged that crazy self of yours, as you have realized that living life is about experiencing this chaos...and your concept of self has expanded to include that other person. This state of harmony is not dependent on the reciprocation of love, it is only dependent on your own acceptance of it...the need for reciprocation is there only if the concept of self hasn't broken down...but it has....the acceptance gives you security, feeling of belonging within yourself... you have grown. You have experienced some of your feelings through someone else. Someone just shook you... defying all instincts of survival you have placed someone before yourself, you became one with your creator ...
Is it infactuation, may be, am I a maniac, may be :), is it beginning of a true love, may be...