Movie Review - Breathless

Jean Luc Godard's Breathless is the movie dedicated to B grade gangster movies and though it derives its main plot from the movies of film noir genre ("All you need to make a gangster movie is a girl and a gun"), he treats it with an extremely individualistic style were the plot of the movie seems incidental and the characters themselves become the central focus of the movie.

To truly enjoy Breathless, someone has to coax you to watch it for the second time. In the first watch, the essence of the movie is lost as most of us try to fit it within the conventional format of a film that we have been trained to watch. Breathless defies it, and once we watch the movie with full earnestness we start tuning ourselves into the intricacies that the filmmaker has woven into it.

Departure from the convention:
Generally in a screenplay, the points that take the story forward, the key plot points are stressed upon. In Breathless, that is not the case. The moments, that are of relevance to the emotions of the character (but not necessarily relevant to the plot) are prolonged.

Godard leaves a lot for the viewer to synthesize. It is not just in his editing style of jump cuts where he chooses to not show unnecessary travel or bullet hitting Michel but it also includes things like the back story of the character. The story begins in the middle of Michel stealing a car. No explanation for his behaviour is given. It is as if we tuned into his life all of a sudden and we would be doomed to be there with him in all the moments that interest the protagonist (Michel) and not necessarily us.

Godard also doesn't care if we realize that we are watching a movie and defies the rules that are established for continuity and creating an "illusion of reality" on screen. This is clear in his editing and shot taking style which is jarring, his use handheld that sometimes attract attention because of it being unsteady, or even while doing crowd control where there are shots where the crowd is clearly looking into the camera. All this make us aware that we are watching a movie.
He makes his character talk to the camera, uses mismatched eye lines to break conventions of continuity and dissolves car reversing and going forward to tell his story.
Now almost paradoxically, the movie is shot as close to real life as possible with the choice of real locations, spontaneous, non-pointed conversations and realistic character sketches and the earlier mentioned stylistics actually complement the temperament of the movie.

Key Characteristics:

Characters:
The characters of the movie are rootless (we really do not get to know much about their parental upbringing) and are difficult to fathom. By keeping them sketchy and without clear motivations Godard manages to keep them unpredictable. We fail to judge whether they are good or bad. The actors themselves are devoid of any moral tone.

Michel as a character: Michel is a character whom you cannot completely hate or love. Michel is young, adventurous, frustrated, has likable traits but indulges in some extremely anti-social activities. He has boyish charm, plays with soft toys of his girlfriends but steals money from them. He shows symptoms of youth gone wrong which makes one sympathize with him. At the same time, he is guiltless of stealing and killing and it prevents the audience from falling in love with him. He is confused about his notion of good and bad, notion of love and notion of self-preservation. All along he is alone in his journey.

Patricia as a character:
Patricia again is a victim of herself and her own confusions - another example of youth caught between the mismatch of real and fairytale(Romeo and Juliet) world. She seems opportunist but also seem opportunist not out of choice but out of dictates of the world. She refuses to be with Michel but then sleeps with him. Roams around with him but turns him in and also comes and tells him about it. There is a certain vanity in her and self-consciousness of her beauty which she wants to maximize by wearing Dior dresses before going to take an interview. But then that sense of vanity is haunted with insecurities and fear of it being temporary (she checks her tummy becoming fat, talks about old age).
Infact Michel and Patricia are quite alike in the sense that they share the same sense of solitude, insecurity, indecisiveness and struggle for survival.


Dialogues:
The dialogues of the movie are disconnected and generally do not take the story forward. They mimic the conversations of real life as close as possible. Godard allows conversation between people to flow beautifully without reducing them to pointed dialogues. The confusion of the characters is illustrated by the dialogues, sometimes mumbled and irrelevant, sometimes profoundly insightful (between Grief and nothingness I choose nothing"). Thinkers of Godard's time find their presence in the form of dialogues, posters and paintings.


Overall style:
Editing and shot taking:
Godard chose a form of editing that conveyed the turmoil of the character. The stylistics of the movie was consistent with the behaviour of the character. The jump cuts actually acted as a total disregard for the cinematic techniques of space-time continuum. Godard used jump cuts but most of the times retained continuity of audio across those cuts.

Godard also introduced lots of quick cuts and cuts with various magnification (ECS of gun, LS of policeman being killed). He also showed disregard for scene directionality propelling viewers to look to and fro on the screen thereby adding to the sense of nervousness of the characters themselves (e.g. quick cuts when Patricia is turning in Michel).

Godard in Breathless laid the foundation of quick cuts, angle and magnification shifts used so much by the MTV for song picturisation.

The cinematography of the movie is brilliant - right from the first car driving scene where there is an array of symmetrically arranged trees lined on both sides of the road to the death scene of Michel.
The mise-en-scene during the death scene when the policeman shoots and Michel is shown running (Godard cleverly skips the shot of the bullet actually hitting Michel) is one of the best as it is both film noirish (with Michel running and puffing his cigarette) and also carries a flavor of unrequited love(with Michel repeating some of the gestures he shares with Patricia). The scene is set in a foggy morning and Michel falls just before he hits the busy road where the city life is going on unmindful of his trauma.

The beauty of the movie is also in lots of beautiful well choreographed long takes.
There are multiple long takes - for example the single take in bank which is however handheld and jittery. It seems to reflect the feelings of Michel.
Another brilliant long take is at the end when Patricia confesses that she has turned Michel in. She goes round the room in anti-clockwise giving her point of view. In the same shot when Michel refutes her point of view, he goes round the room in clockwise direction. It illustrates two opposite point of views existing in the same space.

The movie is replete with certain interesting, unconventional choice of shots too for example shots of them in car when Michel is talking about Patricia , the camera stays only on Patricia across jump cuts though Michel is saying most of the dialogues. There is a similar shots with the taxi driver where the driver is shown during most of the conversations happening between Michel and Patricia. When Michel steps out of the taxi, the shot is taken from the taxi and is retained when Michel walks away and comes back in.

Godard returns to film noir style when he shows the detective and the informant (played by Godard). They are almost spoofish by the way they peep out of the paper and follow Patricia.

Character on motion:
Michel is almost always on the move. Right from the first car stealing scene till the end when he is shot he is running. Except one long scene which happens in Patricia's room, lots of time is spent in showing the characters going from one place to another or walking to and fro. The sense of motion, common also in Truffaut's movies imparts a certain fluidity to the movie. Also it keeps the audience constantly engaged and the sense of movement adds to the sense of being on the run, both physically and mentally.


The bedroom sequence:
The point in time when the cop is shot (the first plot point) happens in a split second while this bedroom sequence which has no resultant effect on the main plot is prolonged to form one-third of the movie.
And because of its length and treatment, this sequence imparts critical mass to the movie. The sequence with jump cuts, pans, tilts, love making inside the white bedsheet, honest conversations between Patricia and Michel act as central scene giving an illusion of a love story happening in realtime in single location without any interference from outside. This is the only time when the characters are not fidgety or on the run and this relationship provides a certain anchor to the characters (the same way the scene provides anchor to the entire movie).

Breathless is a classic example of the stylistics being congruent to the mood of the characters.

Production Design:
Most of the movie is shot on the streets of Paris. Even if the movie is indoors, the city seems to be coming in through the windows either visually or through sound. There are some beautiful shots of an array of street lamps being turned on at night and some interesting shots of the billboards displaying "Police starts closing in on Michel" where the city participates in storytelling.
The movie also moves from daytime Paris to night time Paris towards the end when the police starts closing in on Michel.

The another key Production design element is the various beautiful cars that Michel steals from the street. He talks about his grandfather owning a Rolls Royce and steals the best cars from the street and not settles for any car mediocre or lowkey. His choice of cars makes him look like a flamboyant thief - which is true to his character.

The key thing about the production design is that it brings across the cultural context within which the film is based.The movie is replete with citations of artists and posters("To Live Dangerously Until the End" ) of film noir on one hand and various elite thinkers of his generation on the other hand. At various places Godard has given tribute to artists who courageously departed from the norm.

Casting and Acting:
The part of Michel who is essentially existential in his way of living was played by Jean-Paul Belmondo. He plays the part of a young good looking guy- who is enchanted by Bogart, repeats his gestures, is flamboyant, honest to himself in his conversations and indulges in self-mockery with brilliance. Belmondo shows good restraint and prevents the character from being a caricature.
Jean Seberg looked beautiful and played the part of a pensive girl, confused and torn with insecurities beautifully. Her constumes and her hairstyle gives her a child like look that makes her character interesting. We don't like the fact that she turned Michel in - but we do not hate her. We actually feel a mixture of pity, hatred and remorse. Jean Seberg manages to pull that off well.

Music and leitmotifs:
There is a theme music attached to Patricia which plays when Patricia is introduced and also at various places. He mixes it with the use of jazz music of crime thrillers liberally across the movie. He also uses Mozart (which Michel believes is the last composition o Mozart before he died and plays before he himself dies).

Gestures as leitmotif
Godard uses two facial gestures of Michel across the movie. Those gestures made by Patricia and Michel in their long bedroom scene when repeated at the end, imparts a certain charm of unrequited love to the characters. They serve as a good recall of the erratic yet honest moments they shared.


Personal Note/Trivia:
One of the first movies that made me notice the poetic beauty of a film was Before Sunset. Before joining a film course I made a 20 minute movie clearly on the same lines ("The Last Stop" - available at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UziAHjFlGMs). Watching the long walk sequences of Breathless made me realise that I found the idea of shooting conversations between two people (present in Before Sunset)- some relevant and mostly irrelevant the most appealing and most alluring as I feel that relationships dwell in this seemingly irrelevant conversations. Little did I know that I was influenced by Breathless before even watching it!

Marriage

Morning rain,
Silent conversations,
Orange blanket.

The lock and key story

In all the places we have lived in Mumbai, the door is designed in such a way that it does not need a key to lock it(it locks automatially on shutting) but needs a key to unlock it from outside. Such a mechanism is doomed to lead to the circumstance of key being left inside the house and I and saurabh have experienced this on numerous occasions.
And I have always wondered, why is a lock with in built key not a popular thing in the human civilisation.

Infact, why we still use the same lock and key that probably Tipu Sultan used? I know that the technology has really evolved to swipe cards, to fingerprint scanners to retina scanner, password based locks but common man still believes in good old lock and key. Though these days the lock is in built to the door - the traditional model still stays. And even though it is cumbersome to carry key everywhere, I wonder why is the dependence on an external key still popular.
And well the first advantage of a simple method of having a lock and key is that, the key is not a function of the owner of the house. Unlike in fingerprint and retina scan, where the previously authenticated person has to himself be present, in this method, they need not be present everytime to open it. Passing on the key to someone else is a situation we encounter a lot in our day to day life hence I think this is where most of the time simplicity works.
So one design guideline must follow while designing a new lock and key device is that: Key should be transferrable.
Now then we can use a password alright. But what if we have to give a key only once. I mean, I can give the password to my friend (who is medium trust worthy) but now the danger will lurk that he might get in anytime as he has the key. So if we use password, we give away the password permanently (unless we change it and that is a tedious mental process). So a key should not just be transferrable, but transferrable temporarily which means, that there has to be expiry on it.
Apart from that a simple thing with lock and key is that if we lose the key, we can create another key. We need not break the lock. Example if I had a fingerprint scanner and I lose all my fingers to a traditional indian bandit called angulimal, then will i have to break the lock to get it reset? And the lock is expensive right?
Which brings us to two points: The lock and key should be cheap and the loss of key should minimize lock destruction.
Any more reasons?

Credit Crisis

Lots of people have lots of speculations about recession - how it started etc. It actually started because of real estate sector going kaput (where my hubby works) but started in US. No words of mine can describe it better than this good animation (thanks Paramesh for sharing).

http://www.crisisofcredit.com

Prostitutes and People

Remember Peela house in Slumdog Millionaire where Ringa song is picturised. As part of our field trip, we were taken to chor bazaar, elephanta cave and peela house (its actually a street with 2-3 floor dingy houses without any doors- only curtains). It is one of the many lanes in mumbai which is called "red-light area" or the place where you can pick up prostitutes.
We reached there at around 7:30 pm - the business begins at around that time. We were not allowed to click pics on the street. Initially when we entered the street, it just looked like normal street with various shop. What stood out were chain of theatres, each of different color and each showing really old movies like tridev. There was a suspicious looking video game parlour too. But then when we moved in we saw girls - ostentatiously dressed, with the brightest of lipsticks - standing as if they were waiting.
As we moved inward into the street, their numbers increased - and so did their variety. There were extremely young ones in their teens to middle aged women. Some smiling, some terse in their expressions. Some wore indian dresses like salwar suits. Some wore western. Some wore two piece (Indian or western) showing off their bellies. And some dressed in a proper saree, in 40s looking somber, without any makeup - one of those ladies you might find buying vegetables in a market - and unless you saw them standing in a waiting pose, you wouldn't have recognized that they were one of them.
One of my classmates was literally grabbed by one of them and the poor boy was so scared that in rest of the walk he was grabbing one of us for protection. One of us was not of Indian nation and he was attracting special glares from everyone (maybe he seemed loaded). The market in this lane was catering to lower middle class and hence the prices were really low - around 800 rupees (16$).
Most of the class guys were making fun of them, when they came back. Some said well maybe the circumstances that got them into this might be different but now they are doing it with their own choice so why be sympathetic.
One of my classmates asked how I felt when I looked at them. When I was walking past them, I was seeing them at the distance, totally avoiding looking at them - just whatever I could capture from the corner of my eyes. I was feeling ashamed that in that street I was going for no reason but was being like a "tourist". I didn't know what they would be thinking looking at me? Do they compare notes with women like me who were circumstantially not forced to resort to something that would put them on a street every night - displaying their best - hoping to get a customer - enough money to go on till the next night. Regardless of whether they enjoyed or hated their profession, what was transpiring in their head at that time?

I remember getting real scared before my MSFT interview, or before screening of my foundation film in front of my faculty. I found it extremely difficult to be judged. I always hate it. I hate my "working with actors" acting classes because the aim of the class is to make directors realize how difficult it is to act- or difficult it is to be judged for your personality. I remember giving presentations of my work and not being able to eat because I was so scared before it. But once I had to give it everyday, I had some confidence. I knew my strong points, my weak points. But just before a presentation, a few minutes before, with a room full of people, me watching them - about to begin, were the thoughts in my head same as theirs.

In a steady state, how different is their job from mine except that the society has trained us to moralistically disagree with them? Maybe because people enter the Peela house only when the discipline of the society ceases to work for them.

Yellow Butterfly

The sun was taking a dip
Into the ocean,
Behind the mountains.
A young ray of light,
leaped above,
And fell on the meadows
A sleepy butterfly saw it.
And became yellow.

From past to present - reasons for divorce rate to increase in India

I and Saurabh were discussing about the factors behind increasing divorce rates - influence of "western" culture",women's liberalisation, break up of joint family when Saurabh came up with this insightful point of view.
Earlier we had an agriculture based society. From there came the concept of settling down. More the number of children, more number of hands to work. Hence an average family had 6-7 children. Assuming that a woman needs to devote atleast 2-3 years of her life right from pregnancy to post-childbirth caring for the kid it would mean 12-14 years of her life. Assuming the average life to be around sixty, 45-50% of her post puberty life would be 100% dedicated in rearing children. That means a woman's role in the society was to have kids and take care of them and hence they were home bound. She needed the man to take care of her financially so apart from love, she had strong economic dependence on her spouse. Also, in tradition hindu society, the kids stick to mother (see from mahabharata - kunti's kids though born from different men belonged to her). For a husband, kids also meant helping hands at work and a heir. A man without kids had no social or economic standing. Hence for a man, it was not easy to abandon his wife and kids for another woman as that would leave him alone to begin with and in a way also guilty of abandoning the kids.

In metros today, there are maximum 1-2 children per family. A woman has to spent far lesser dedicated time (6-7% ) to take care of the kids. Also these days rearing a child is way more expensive. The economic demands are such that both woman and man has to work. Hence both of them are financially liberated. As against olden days where there was both love and economic necessity to stay together, today there is only love needed for people to stay together. And ofcourse, love can be fickle and hence the increase in divorce rates.
Though lots of people say that it is against our tradition to have divorce, the economic framework on which our tradition was based has changed. Hence the increase in divorce rates and the society should as well accept it.

Did you notice him?

Before my car and driver came, I would take the good old auto to my film institute. The journey which is around 35 minutes in car (in moderate traffic) becomes around 45 minutes in auto. I generally have to direct the autos to my apartment as most of the autowallahs in FilmCity do not know about Mount Mary Road.
One evening I got into an auto and told him - "Bandra. West. Lilavati ke paas - Mount Mary Road".
He said - " Pata hai Madam, kal mein hee legaya tha aapko"
"I know madam, I only took you there yesterday".
Well - I spent >45 minutes with the guy and couldn't remember him for even 1 day!

Good byes

I am wondering when was the last time my heart hurt so much that I wished I could have missed that day in my life... There have been numerous occasions when I have been hurt but some hurts are good - you learn, you introspect, you reevaluate your surroundings, but some hurts just hurt. Infact the pain reoccurs in my dreams.
The last time it hurt that bad was when I woke up in my Seattle apartment. Saurabh and mummy were still sleeping and I went till my french window. Yes it was my last day in Seattle and I knew, above everything else, how much I would miss my extremely lovable and extremely loving friends. I miss them still today.
and when did my heart hurt just as much before this? 2.5 years before the previous incident when I was sitting on the flight to Seattle (via Amsterdam), my parents and I were teary eyed, my brother , normally amused at this display of emotion were quiet and I had a beautiful letter in my hand. I didn't know a bird in Seattle (not that I know a bird in seattle now) but I didn't care about that. I cared more about leaving my family and my boyfriend. The memory of that flight (apart from good food), still makes me go numb and blank. Well, I never thought I would really make such great friends in Seattle that I would have to re-experience something similar while coming back.
Towards the end, in the movie sixth sense, Cole (the kid) tells Dr. Crowe (Bruce Willis), lets just pretend that we are going to see each other tomorrow, it makes goodbye very easy. Anybody who have experienced the pain of goodbye would know how profound it is.

Gift of Hope

How arrogant can a gift of hope make you?
Lately I was speaking to some of my college friends who claimed that Yuvvraaj made by maestro Subhash Ghai is worse than a few folks "My first project". Lots of folks said that he knew nothing about film making and used all the curse words their limited vocabulary could provide them. Saying that about a guy who has made 18 films out of which 14 were hits.
How many folks among 20 of us will be able to make our first film in coming 5 years? Almost everybody thinks they would. Almost everybody thinks their movie will be better than Subhash Ghai's movies. It's funny, almost ironical, the same set of guys who were dying to meet him, joined his institute, tgot exposed to Fellini and Truffaut and now they ridicule the guy, whose vision is their alma mater.

Infact some of them saw "Kagaz ke phool" recently. But they still don't get it. Do they? :)

Life events

So my driver's name is Wasim- a 22 year old chap. Apart from possessing great Schumacher abilities of making me reach college in 30 mins (ideally 1 hour distance) he also possesses abilities to write good shayaris (poems in Urdu). I always felt that he is gifted. And would encourage him to write verses and stories instead of idling around with other drivers. Infact I gifted him a diary (that my dad had given me) saying that I am giving you a precious thing so you better write shaayaris everyday and I will listen to them.
Past one week he came up with beautiful thought provoking verses. He infact also cameup with a nice hindi film story (which actually gave me a good insight on what the lay man of India gets excited by) and I suggested him a few more stories to write based on his experiences as a taxi driver.
Now I am resistant to change (a surprise maybe for most people but I take a lot of time to start liking people and even more to get comfortable with them. I don't show it to them as that would totally eliminate the possibility of having a healthy relationship if that is feasible). It took me 8 months to actually start liking him and providing him all the employee satisfaction that is required so after investing all this I naturally wanted him to continue for a while.

Anyways coming back to the main plot. This morning he asked me lots of questions about me leaving microsoft and the fear of not being able to earn as much as I earned in this new profession. He asked me why did I change? Was I unhappy? Was I too old for shifting gears? Can I go back if I fail in this movie industry etc etc.
And I answered them all.(what I answered would be in my future blog entries)
And well this evening I came and he told me that he has decided to give up being a driver and be a full-fledged writer. Study more Urdu and improve his art.
I was initially very sad coz that would mean now I have to search for a new driver who is willing to wait for 14 hours in college. Also now I will have to basically go through this hate love cycle to allow another person in my routine. I was scared also if I have influenced him in taking a decision that might usher his financial doom (and going by the track-record of the faculty out here - also the doom of his personal life).
But well I was happy that atleast he has dared to choose something he wants to do. And I still feel he is talented enough to produce beautiful poetries and I hope him all the best and courage to face the hardships. In his own words:

"Hamein kaichiyon se kya darna
Pankhon se nahee, hum hausolon se udte hain."
(translated without doing the poetic justice)

"These scissors don't frighten me
Not with wings, but with courage I fly"

Restart Creative

After a long long break - I am back to blogging biz.


Outside the Mount Mary church sits a flower vendor. He chooses flowers from the infinite choices available to him to prepare a garland for God. And he waits, he waits till someone takes those flowers for giving to His God.

Is our creativity too in choosing the flowers and our divine purpose also in being someone else's medium of expression?

Parallel lives

That's what I realized I and Saurabh led last 15-18 days ...I in a different filmy world in Goa totally oblivious to the gravity of the situation in Mumbai and Saurabh in Mumbai - totally immersed in Mumbai's sorrow and prob. not being able to comprehend my insesitivity...
And just today when I came back and dug the papers kept in a rack next to the sink in the kitchen I read the stories and got struck with the same sentiment that struck most of the mumbaikars a few days ago.
Well now that I look at the pattern, small bomb blasts, becoming a daily doze at the news and not lasting the media attention longer than the spat between film heroes, this was an event waiting to happen. An event that shakes everyone and makes them feel, this could be you.

Going back to my Goa fest, I remember watching the movie "A wednesday" in IFFI - I remember the moment when the audience clapped in unision, someone even stood up, when Nasuriddin Shah said in the movie - " I am a common man who is scared to board the public bus. I feel helpless". Those words never rang true to me.
That's when our, mine and Saurabh's, parallel world seemed to unknowingly converge.

today

i finally realized what i want at the end of the day. At the end of everyday.

In search of my fingerprints

Just thought of publishing on someone else's blog:
http://passionforcinema.com/in-search-of-my-fingerprints/

A trip back into the life

I think it is a good idea to revisit our past and reanalyze those days of our lives when we were sad over our heartbreak or super happy on getting the first company that came on our campus.
Is it possible that the happy days of our life should sometimes be our sad days as we got something we wanted but in the bigger picture they are the things that really limited our exploration? Or that somedays, we were sad on a failure but those failures actually pushed us to our maximum potential. We missed the big picture on those days.

Then when I do that, I wonder, in future, how would I know whether to be happy or sad on a given incident. What significance will that incident have on the context of the bigger picture? Will this doubt make me not experience the emotion that incident demands? Will it average out all my emotions and deprive me of moments of extreme sadness, moments of extreme joy - moments of life? Isn't living life same as vibrating with these emotions - in the ignorance of bigger picture.
Then I wonder, do I want to be enlightened by the awareness of this bigger picture or do I want to remain ignorant?

From the top of the mountain

This mountain,
All green,
I started climbing up,
It took 10 days.
I stayed in a tent.
I ate very little.
My water got over.
But I reached the top.
And I saw the world ..
I saw tiny houses,
Tiny roads,
Tiny rivers,
Far away I saw an ocean
And beyond that
That ocean again.
It didn't end.

That ocean
Beckons me.

-arati

baby on his father's shoulder...

As the morning dew yawned on the tropical leaf,
The first ray of sun entered, touched it, and burst into laughter...

Akira Kurosawa

Will post some of the insightful quotes from the genius's book (Something like an autobiography) in this posting as I read the book.

"Many of my friends have urged me to write an autobiography...It is no longer enough for them to know that an artist has expressed himself with the help of the camera and a microphone."

auto woes

Well yeah last three years were great with my poor civic never giving me a problem unless I gave it one. And then I experienced the best cars - the beamers, the lexus, the porche, the merc, the lotus - and on best roads where you were slow if you drove 60 miles per hour. Talking about drives how could I forget the pleasure of long drives that I used to experience with paramesh or samarth while doing the I-90 loop. Ah the array of lights on the tunnel of the bridge with latest bollywood hit playing in the car. And then the tunnel opened to the panaromic view of seattle downtown with space needle standing tall and we would claim- what is so world famously impressive about it.
But a week of riding on mumbai autos and on mumbai roads(??) with intense rain and strong winds making sure that those rains reach you regardless of you using the plastic curtains at their side have made me completely forget the pleasure of riding on any four wheeler.

So today when coming back my auto was coughing more than the old autowallah himself- with him being hearing impaired to not listen to either the auto or to me. And the auto stopped 5 times - everytime him blaming the adulterated petrol and refusing to let me down in the hope that the auto will move forward. Finally I had to shout as loud as I would have shouted bachao bachao (as if the auto were on fire) to make him stop ( I might have just gotten down and ran away as the auto was that slow but the old man was too old to be swindled). And then i got down finally took a cab and when as soon as my butt landed on the taxi seat I realized the luxury I have been depriving myself. Wow.
I used to think that my maid's healthy cooking or the hectic college is leading to some weight loss, only to realize now that the best exercise for my butt had been - yes - ride on a mumbai auto.

Do I experience long distance relationship everyday?

So this Sunday I was supposed to goto college for a meeting. Well so I bid Saurabh a weepy farewell and sat on my auto (it is another thing that mid-way I checked my mobile only to find a sms that the meeting was cancelled :( - well someone tell them that we really didnot check smses in US that often). Nonetheless, in the auto I was wondering that I and saurabh have had a long distance relationship for around 5 years and why suddenly being away for 7 hours on a sunday is causing so much emotional churn. Was I guilty of leaving him alone at home? But not really coz he was besides himself with joy as he was getting to play xbox (and I have started imposing curfew on xbox). But when I thought about it, I really was missing not being able to spend the sunday with him. Suddenly the pain of 1 day's separation seemed more than pain of 5 years. If I ask myself, do i love him more than I loved him a year ago, the answer is yes (and hope that it will be perenially yes). But then when I ask myself if I loved him any lesser a year ago, the answer ironically comes out to be no.

The leaf

The leaf atop the tree,
The tallest tree.
The highest leaf.
One day,
the wind blows,
And the leaf,
Finds wings.


-Arati

xbox to xbox - daily diary

Well that was my day today in totality but then a lot of things happened in between!
Well first of all the morning began with saurabh trying to play xbox (him not feeling well today decided to take first half off). :(.
And well then I rushed to college to edit my first project(I called Rohit at 8:15 to know what time the editing starts and he said 9 - thought it was a little tight I and my autowallah embarked into the mission of making me reach college by 9 - I entered the premises at 8:54 to start the editing). And well I didnt realize that that is all i would be doing till 5:30 pm! Ironically I started with the idea of making fun of the folks with complicated thinking and I got carried away so much so that lots of people are now not understanding my project. Well now I know how Vincent Van Gogh felt. Ofcourse the editing session was closely followed by a film appreciation - and how tough was it to do that mental context switch - but the movie we saw - 12 angry man was amazing.
Well I rushed back to the editing lab - saw a few videos of other folks then rushed back home - 45 minutes ride on auto that I pool with Rohit (hopefully car comes by the weekend) and the autowallah and me realizing that we do not have change - so I rushed to nearest pan thela to take the change - buy some eggs as a return of favor.
I rushed home to hear that saurabh was not that well after all :( and also that he stayed at home (after visitng the doc at leelavathi who adviced him rest :((). This is however interesting coz when he stays at home he consumes twice the amount of food so all my provisioning of food for the day (that I negotiate with my maid) goes kaput so I realized that there is only rice left at home for dinner (P.S - Saurabh doesn't like rice). So well I put the eggs to use and make some scrambled eggs desi style (bhurji) and we ate that with some roti and rice (P.S - I love rice). Then came a session of phone calls and some TV. After fighting against CNBC-IBN, I got to see MTV only to realize that now when I see a video - I tear it apart mentally - I notice the background music, cinematography, shot breakdown and scene transitions. Suddenly Singh is King is not amusing and the trailer of Phoonk is not scary :(. Ah the film appreciation class has managed to corrupt me. By then Saurabh manages to change channel to some madonna's song and we try our hand at some dance and I realize that after hours of not being together - one moment is still worth being together (in this holy matrimony that is)(P.S- this is my take - I dunno his take) and then ofcourse since we are not really newly married anymore - i get busy on my laptop and Saurabh sits next to me playing his Xbox and has his mouth open.

script woes

Conversation with Asim over chat:

Arati: I need to shoot tomorrow and I need to just go thru my script once..mebbe i should improvise on it and change it a little bit.
Asim:No focus on other thngs now. How will u shoot, how will camera move, cinematography etc forget script now ... if u have to work in bollywood u have to forget about scripts anyways

Bandra diary

So this Sunday, I and Saurabh decided to go for a jog before our dinner. Well after much deliberation we thought of keeping it to just a long walk as we realized that jog will not be feasible in the crowded bandstand. So at one end of bandstand there is Galaxy apartments. For non-Bandraites, it is where Salman Khan (he is a bollywood star) resides with all kith and kin. So apparently he comes out every Sunday eve around 7 pm to give his "darshan" and wave at all his admirers. And believe it or not, that area of bandstand was jam packed with people gaping at his apartment where the lights were on. Infact it was almost impossible to pass through that area. Well what we did - we just ignored him and continued on our way..
A little away, reasonably away from the crowd, there was a school/junior college aged boy lying on the corner of the road. I really don't think he was sleeping but I felt he had fainted. As even Saurabh commented, the city can be disturbing at times. There was not even a single person who had stopped to look at him or wonder what has happened to him. People were just walking past him. Well what we did - we just ignored him and continued on our way ...

sky looks bigger

That's what I feel after the first week. Wait was it just a week? We had classes from 10 am/9:30 am till 8:30 at night. Back to back. Yes 1 hour break in the lunch and in one week itself I feel that I have taken flight... to understand the complexity - the art and science of film making, how a story is told - visually. I have seen the movies that I have loved more than I could possibly imagine, developed a new taste for short movies, I know more about literature, music and I wonder what took me so long to find my bearing? I have realized how tough it is to act - and understood this art in its real form. And how *tough* it is to make a movie and captivate those thousands of minds sitting in a dark room. And yet it is so wonderful to share your labor of love with them. That narcotic moment when your creation is ready for you to see in its tangible form - being able to touch your thoughts. Yes there is lots of struggle, possibilities of disappointment, uncertainities but how can we stop a person doped with workings of his own mind. One of the instructor says - the paradox every artist face is to find your own unique voice and still reach out to millions. How rightly said.
I am basically an artist - a story teller and now it all makes sense why I would day dream about someone's stories while driving my car or attending a meeting(oops). What I perceived as distractions of my mind were actually its cravings. And now the pieces of life fall in there place - as I feel all the water in the river flowing down one single path. The course is right, the force is more now. My faculty is all performers, folks who have found their voices. When was the last time I heard the music of Aashique, did I know that its music director would take my music class or teach abt importance of background music? Or saw Pukar and realized its cinematographer would teach me cinematography or saw Ghulam and knew his writer would teach me script writing. Or when I last saw Jodha akbar or Taare Zameen Pe did I know that I would interact with their makers - eye to eye? Did I know that person who teaches me film appreciation has possibly read all the books or seen all the movies I would ever read or see.
My favourite class emerge to be the one by a 65 year old philosopher who talks about Indian and American literature. The sheer rhythm in the class mesmerizes me. I feel as if I am in a trance.
When I see such literary genius - who talk about books I haven't read, intricate movies (Megha Dhaka Taara, Man without a Head Children of Heaven)that I hadn't even heard of, and experience the vibrancy of my colleagues - ah the innocent ambitions and ferocious energy - I just feel I have so much to learn, so much to do - so much sky to cover. Amen.

Well it is kinda easy to take a decision

a tad bit difficult to live it. Well just a tad bit. So here is a summary of my first week. Well we had orientation and team building exercises in the first week. Had a few film appreciation classes and they showed us movie too..we had one class on importance of music and the point was brought well cross by showing clips with music and without it. We were shown a beautiful movie - Children of Heaven and i just loved it. Also the history behind Iranian movies. They show us lots of movies - Chris here said :" man they show you guys lot of movies as if you are in a film school or something."
Abbas Tyrewala came to speak to students but by then my fever had gotten the better of me and I had to miss a few classes.
Well there are incidentally lots of engineers and few psychologists here. I find few of the students emotional fools an some of them exceptionally brilliant..i loved the interaction with shishir joshi about how sensationalism creeped up in media and how it is all game of TRPs. Basically if they show good content, the TRPs slip, so the advertisers leave them. So they have to resort to sensationalism. Well and news channels are not NGOs.
There is something called my first project that one needs to deliver within first 3 weeks and all students are really planning a lot for it..i had one idea for it but Saurabh found it strictly ok.So I need to think of another one too...the classes are going to be hectic from 9-8. and may be beyond. I checked out my tt - monday - lots of cinemtography will be taught...So well the real work starts next week. I plan to join dance classes - which is by shaimak davar troupe...mebbe will learn some moves..i think i have made a few friends- few who look for me when we enter the class. Lots of folks are shocked to know that i am married. i look young you see :). Well some guys said that my hubby is very supportive to let me do that..i didnt like that comment in particular though i know how much saurabh is working to make this whole process comfy for me. well when i told this to saurabh said that i shld tell them that your parents are very supportive to let you learn it and have also paid for it.
Also students here have opportunity to write 1 page for screen magazine so I am planning to grab that opportunity for myself one of these months.
Well as I sit in the class, sometimes in the cafeteria, look around, some teenage girls, some crazy haired directors, some quiet loners, I realize that when they see me, they feel that there is unnecessary weight of my past education and my age in me. I don't see the weight, i just feel a little taller. I feel I can look farther. Mebbe that's why I know, I will learn well.

global warming is today!

I was going to the bank and was generally chatting with my autowallah. When we stopped in a signal, he looked outside, up at the sky and said -"baarish hone ko maanga hai" (it gotta rain)
And we were always worried about how our kids would suffer because of global warming and I am realizing that it is happening in our lifetime itself - infact in the lifetime of our parents. Reading reports and seeing documentaries weren't the only source of my concern. I see that most of India is under drought. I can experience the climate change first hand. Most of us can. It was never supposed to snow in Seattle and now we have snow-storms. Nashik, two years ago in this time of the year used to have plenty of rains. I remember getting totally drenched when chandana visited me and this year there have only been a few half-hearted drizzles.
If things weren't scary enough, I saw a documentary on history on mesopotamia where they predicted the end of the world in 2012 (a ballpark) and they predict it from drowning.
I really hope that govt across the world take approriate steps to mitigate it to certain extent. In one of the reports I read - the US was the worst culprit emitting most of the green house gases (I will state the numbers once I get back to Mumbai - yes I am still in Nashik). Europeans were smarter and embraced public transport and green environment better. Infact if China and India also develop along the same lines as US then the earth will not be able to take so much of pollution.
I mentioned this to one of the guys who said, "well what can I do ? I really do not have time to hold a placcard and ask people to change." Well, no one is asking to change the world. But then do I - as an individual want to be part of the problem or part of the solution?
I kinda realized that I want to be part of the solution. So here is what I am planning to do and have already started:
1) Plastic bags are a strict no-no. I don't use them (besides they don't look pretty). And if some shop like shopper's stop gives them to me then I take it and use it again and again and again - I carry it everywhere instead of aasking fo new ones. In future I am gonna refuse those plastic bags totally and in further future maybe yell at them for using them and not providing greener solutions.
2) Public transport is yes :). Ok ok I am guilty here I recently purchased a car and will probably be going to whistling woods in the car as it is so far off from home and also the train stations are far away. But in the longer term I am gonna explore the possiblity of using th trains, or maybe carpool and best is move closer to it so that I do not have to travel so much. As it is Saurabh uses trains exclusively.
3) Save electricity. Turn off lights, fans.
4) Save water - minimize bubble baths and al those fancy things. I am waiting for drinking water to get costlier than petrol one day and I badly hope that I am wrong. But few years ago the concept of buying water was unheard of. Incidentally in my visit to Singapore, when I was reading the local newspaper I realized that shortage of drinking water is one of the topmost problem being faced and they are investing hugely in reasearch to convert seawater to drinking water and they are seeing some success.
5) Vote for a government that is more aware of these issues, have literates who understand the gravity of the issue and plan the cities so that there is good public transport. I can only be optimistic here.
6) There are lots of folks who donot understand global warming. Just let them know what it is.
7) Alternative energy sources - if I have to invest I would invest in them (if I had money that is :))
The poorest of the poor and richest of the rich share the same sky, same sea, same earth. In a world where we all are partitioned because of so many reasons let's not ruin one thing that unites all of us.

2050 or jaane tu

2 movies releasing today and 3 out of 4 papers were advertising them crazily (the 4th paper is economic times that saurabh snatches from me to read the moment I pick up the papers). While I was thinking myself which one to see first- calls Paramesh from Seattle where the movie has already released and he says watch Jaane tu it is breezy like DCH. A decision made easy. Thanks Paramesh!


Man I miss Seattle.

so am i settled

Well so I was discussing this with Mary over chat. I do not feel shy to instruct things to my maid now. I do not feel that we are underpaying her. I do not feel guilty of small kids acting as delivery boys. My tips to them have reduced drastically. I now ask the cost of vegetables before buying it and do not give away money to every beggar I see on the street. The vegetable vendors (apart from immigration officers in the mumbai airport) recognize me and I have started eating street food :).I have gained weight and started becoming philosophical in my blogs and have started talking about having gained weight.
The euphoria of having an apartment next to the sea has settled and so have I.

the real world

My horoscope of the year was - "your expenditure will exceed your income"
And that was the first thought that crossed my mind when it struck me that I had lost my wallet for good.
"How would you go back to your hotel?" - the security lady of china town asked me. Good question I thought.
"Everybody should lose his/her wallet atleast once in their life" - was the third thing that I heard from Saurabh when I came back to hotel.
The fourth thing that I heard from my brother when I called him to help me cancel all my US credit cards was - "Don't worry you would have lost all that anyways".

--
Well as a software engineer I have lived most of my life (at least last few years) in the web world. I have expressed a lot on chats, blogs, breathed in facebook and orkut and ofcourse college world and seattle-microsoft world is utopia in some sense where everyone is good and honest. Everything is safe. You let down your guards and then one day you realize that there are people who would want to steal. And then you wonder, how much money would tempt you to steal from someone? How would you enjoy it if you know it is is not your money? What will not let you enjoy more? The risk of being caught or the guilt of taking something away from someone? Or can you understand the person who is needy enough to not care about all these questions when he is stealing?
So a Google employee opened a coffee shop called TerraByte near kirkland (Seattle) and the business model was that you need not pay for the coffee - if you feel like you can tip but the person serving coffee will not look at the tip you are giving and it is in a box in the corner of the coffee shop so there is no way for her/him to come back and check and remember for future. I and Dami had gone to check it out and a year later it was still operational. It is heard that pple didnt feel good about drinking coffee for free and sometimes ended up paying more money out of that guilt. May be he should try opening a similar shop in ChinaTown too and compare the stats.

To connect with someone is not a transitive relationship

I was busy talking to school friends or calling them over today (story so far - I and saurabh share the same key of the apartment and saurabh took the key to office to get its duplicate made and I was locked at home (btw he couldnot find time to make the duplicate and i am so mad at him for that)). Inspite of having so many things to do and books to read the fact that i am forced to stay inside the apartment when I could see the beautiful beach outside was making me turn over in my - umm- sofa.
Anyways coming back to the point...I met a friend who like me has a tattoo :) but is unwilling to settle for a normal life (read marrying indian guys) and then she told me abt another common friend of ours and said that she cannot connect to her and felt that she could relate to me coz I follow my heart too.
Well then I spoke to this another friend who is so close to me and mentioned that I met this girl and she told me yeah she is pretty wild and she cannot relate to her and is thankful that I am back as she can relate to me as I am just like her - a normal girl.
Well frankly, I could connect to both of them pretty well. And this is my theory - the possibility of friendship and connection with someone is not a transitive relationship.
P.S- yes I have too much of free time in my hand with being locked inside like this

an artist's dilemma

They say that an artistic medium is a medium to express and not impress (or that's what I read from a blog of a new generation writer). Not more could I agree with the sentence and especially the rhyme in it makes it sound very profound. But at the same time, I feel that the biggest reward for such an expression is when someone "get's it". Someone understands what you went out and expressed. Someone gets impressed with it.
As the hindu philosophy goes, "karm kar phal ki chinta mat kar" ("Do your work and do not worry about the results" - something my mom always says since childhood and I had written this down and pasted that note behind my computer in iitk and a few guys saw it and made total fun of it).
Maybe the same applies here - express yourself without any inhibitions. So much so for the goal oriented world.

housewife diary cont...

Arati to Saurabh: I don't like your tea.
Saurabh to Arati: I don't like your food.
Arati: Why
Saurabh: Your food is very south Indian. I dont like south Indian food so much.

Later...
Arati to Asim: I think saurabh doesn't like the food I cook.
Asim: ok
Arati: what should i do? what should i do?
Asim: nothing. He will get used to it.

Later...
Arati to Saurabh: I like the tea you make.

:).
P.S- Blame Dami, mary, VC, g3, paramesh for making my cooking predominantly south indian.

my weird psychology

Vodofone guy had come over to do my address verification.
Guy: Are you Miss or Mrs
Me: Mrs
Guy: But your husband surname is kumar
Me: I have not changed the surname
Guy: What is your occupation
Me: hmm Student
Guy: How can you be married and student
Me: Why can I not be both married and student

Pause

Guy: Shall I write housewife?
Me: No write student

---
Yesterday I gave a woman 50 rupees. Saurabh thinks she fooled me but she had asked me immediately after i had bought a chocolate pastry worth 40 rupees. It just didn't seem fair to have those 50 rupees on my side and that (allegedly hungry) kid on her side. I just gave her benefit of doubt.

Aha- the housewife diary

Saurabh thinks that I am too active to just stay bolted inside the house. It had been only 2 days - that too a weekend and I was wondering what I should do the coming week. Yup there is lots of work lined up - fitting my 9 suitcases into 3 cupboards, furnishing and decorating the apartment and getting it ready for a small housewarming, reading books on movie making- yes I visited the institute and met a few folks there and realized that I really need to be well-prepared before I join (did I tell the classes are from 8 in the morning to 7:30 in the evening + add 1 hour of commute on both ends + add the fact that more than 12 classes missed means you are dropped out of the course!). I also want to explore the neighbourhood (Mount Mary road - my association with Mary doesnt end). My flat overlooks ocean and also balcony of old-time movie stars - Jackie Shroff and Rekha (I say that it is fraud news as I havent seen them even once in last 2 days). Neighbourhood has band-stand and bungalow of shahrukh Khan and I need to just jog in bandstand area if the sun goes easy on me. Oh how I wish the sun was a little less harsher!
I need to get internet installed - wont be done till 12 more days - as it is going to be provided by our building -it is Reliance - now they are going the comcast way - one cable provides everything- right now I am stealing neighbour's wireless (>:)). . I have maid - Samita who comes and does everything except cooking - I wouldn't let anyone else cook at my home ever but Saurabh says that once my classes starts we will need it. There is someone for ironing clothes too. We don't have a car yet and I will buy Maruti Swift pretty soon. I already have a driver though - an overly talkative Wasim (whio currently drives a taxi) - who also wants me to buy a swift or a Toyota Innova (and I dunno why). I keep wondering what he will do outside institute full day and am thinking if I should drive myself but Saurabh says better to have a driver and not deal with the mind-numbing Mumbai traffic. I also keep wondering what I will do if my maid or driver doesn't come one day. I want to be self-reliant at the end of the day.
Mumbai city is bustling with people, very fashionable (which I find very interesting), the windows of the houses are open (that is a big deal after living in closed windowed apartments for so long), there is easy access to house help, you enter a shop and 4 salesmen are ready to help you, the 1-800 numbers have started, there is craze for IPL cricket matches, the shops have salsa and chakkali placed in the same aisle, fresh juices are cheaper than that from concentrate, there is an increased realization of the fact that India is young now with all ads targeting the youth, there is heavy inflation- infact I donot let saurabh buy half of the things (sugar-cane juice is now 8 rupees instead of 5 rupees), the traffic tires you more than the actual work, the various application forms like those for mobile etc ask for father's or husband's name, there is cuckoo and peacock and early morning alarm from all the hens and cocks in the neighbourhood, you call them and they come pick up dvd and then deliver photos, call and they deliver everything under the sun, but at the end of the day the biggest difference is being able to live with someone with whom I had decided to build my nest so many years ago.

Ok- let's unpack now :).

Splash, run, jump. Live!

This is the caption I am rooting for in one of the "design the laptop skin contest" for one of the teams I do not work in :) . I thought I can anyways pariticipate and ended up designing this- http://www.schtickers.com/catalog/laptopskins/create/preview.php?id=200331200804170331

Now I am not an extremely "proud of myself" kinda person. On the other hand I underrate myself and appear less confident for my capabilites (this can be called as a self-contradictory statement).

And after saying all this I am gonna tell you that I think my design and the caption is the best so far in the competition. And I say it in total objectivity.
And I will tell you why- because it is right in spirit. It is something that would cheer me more when I am happy and it will give me confidence when I am not feeling motivated. And that brings me to a point where lots of folks designed most of their captions around beating others. And it hurts me when the judge showed some liking towards a few of them (dunno why I am getting personal about this).
But frankly, folks talking about beating others, I do not find that an encouraging thing. Infact the moment someone asks me to beat someone, he makes a statement that in current capabilities I am not as good as the other person and additionally my aspiration should be around being better than that person. I am okay with the first part of the statement. But totally not okay with having an element of comparison in my aspiration.
I want my aspirations to motivate me, to provide me some energy , provide me that overwhelming intoxication and I want to feel that rhythm, feel the positive energy from what I am doing right now. I want my aspirations to be beyond the current age competition. I want it to be a state of bliss... I aspire for a state of mind and not for a goal. If I reach that state I know I am already successful - I have already attained what I started for and I need not beat anyone to get there. Basically I do not run to come first. I run to run and that keeps me going, keeps me running...
I don't know if I am correct or if I am just different...

Laughing Buddha ...

A long distance relationship is the shortest way to attain nirvana...it teaches you patience, non-violence (how do you hit from so far) and abstinence.

change ...

I have a huge inertia against changes...And I can cite various reasons to not change - lazyness, insecurity, fondness for the existing entities...

But then, I have grown up at multiple places, from south to north to central India, moving with my parents, trying to restart my life in a new place every 5-6 years. I have come to realize that once inflicted upon me, change is something that I takeup to very easily. It's like starting from a white background and constructing my world bit by bit - figuring out the most convenient grocery store, making new friends, trying to make them realize that I am no different and yet preserve my individuality...
When I see that the person that I am today - I see that most of what I am is influenced by all these various environments I have experienced. I have met a variety of people - from frustratingly conservative to mind-numbing liberal ones. I am a product of all these environments. I understand multiple point of views so much so that it makes it difficult for me to identify which one is mine. There are people who are split into 2 personalities, I sometimes feel I am split into many and all of them coexist.
Whenever I go to a new place, it poses a challenge for me - I need to figure it out - tame it. It is a puzzle to be solved, a beast to be tamed. I need to understand the folks, understand their "wassups", their way of living, what they talk when they eat...I learn new things like- I need to be fit, I need to read about politics - and I revel in that understanding and that learning. I feel like expanding my own boundaries, I feel the growth within...I grow because of these changes in my life...and then I become comfortable ...till I am forced to step out of it ...till the tide of change has arrived...no matter how much I try to avoid it I get swept by it...the new change poses new challenges ... and a new cycle starts which is pretty similar , kinda like a deja vu.. At a meta level, nothing changes ...what if I do not want to change and want to just stay at one place...but then I have my inertia ....that propels me towards change...

generation gap - whadda phuck is dat

I recently had a chat with a 21 year old in India (no don't ask me why - long story). And the coversation was something like this:
Arati: Hi. Thanks for taking time out.
That guy: usually m onlyne at this tym ... 2nyte was juss sleepin takin some rest so got late .. :p
That guy: hey listn ... i'll be back in feu mins ... have a grup meetihn ...
Arati: sure
That guy: sowwi to cut down da convers,
Arati: No problem at all :)
That guy: back .. still onlyne ...
Arati: yup- gimme 5 mins <-- that gimme was my cool factor that I gathered in the small break i got
That guy: no worries take ur tyme... pyce
Arati: what is pyce ?
That guy: peace
Arati: oh

Finally after a few conversations, when I conceded that I am not getting his phonetic language he said:
ohhh ... lol ... sowwi for da discomfrt u faced :p

Well..
Next moment I was telling everyone around about the language being spoken by 21 year olds. I was under the impression that I could still talk to any person of any age group without really needing any efforts to understand what he is trying to say. Well seems like thats's not true with me and current 21 year olds. That was a surprise for me. I thought - "...Gawd...whad dis erld iz cuming 2?" (that sorta language is infectious)

Just then, my brother sent me a mail that I had sent 5 years ago to my previous company - it was my farewell(good bye) mail and it went like this:


Some wisdom rather quest of adventure has pushed thee into the snare of IIT, Kanpur whose ostentatious AC departments have besotted thee and prompted to renounce the banana chips and the most coveted seat in Sigma house in lovable Persistent. Included in this Buddha-act of renunciation is the 50 MB of email account arati_kadav@persistent.co.in.
But temptations manifests itself in different forms and thee have opened two new accounts :
aratikadav@yahoo.com
aratikadav@hotmail.com
with its modest accommodations.
For alternative mode of information transmission one has:
(0712)2543811 my phone number in the ancestral flat
502,Shiv Gaurav Estate
1, Bhagwaghar Layout
Dharampeth
Nagpur-10
Thous mails would be the only consolation in thee's period of exile that would last for 2 years.So good bye my friends for tis now the time that we set forth to meet face to face that what we fear:). Here's wishing thou's happiness, progress and heavenly glory.
A supercalli fragillus expalidotius colleague of yours, Arati
P.S1- Would really miss my favorite habitat
P.S2- Couldn't help pestering by this-type mail :)


Hmmm...So it is not just this 21 year old guy, I think I have a generation gap with all 21 year olds that ever existed - including myself...:)...Tis not thee but i dat bcam difren...

PS1: My heart aches to see that in our times we used Shakerpearean touch to influence our language and today's kids use Shaggy's touch to influence their language.
PS2- My heart aches even more when I see myself using phrases like "in our times" and "today's kids" :(.

All men are born equal

unless they are born women...
"Ladki ka kanyadaan sampann hua"
I am one of those lucky few who have experienced equality of sexes enough to perceive that there are inequalities still existing in our society. And I wince at the fact that I tolerated it.
My marriage apart from celebrations of union of 2 souls (ok - gimme a break :)!) was also illuminating in the sense I realized how much sexual discrimination is prevalent in our society and is being carried forward in the name of "culture" and if not culture "tradition".
And I don't know what it is(s it the Gladiator movie I just saw) that has instigated me to voice it right now. Why is there kanyadaan? Why do the bride's family host the marriage function? Why does the girl leave to the groom's house?
Its not for myself but my heart goes out for 1000s of those girls who grow up in their family, happily bossing their younger brothers, being pampered by their father and mother -leave everything and go and settle in some different town, burdened by "customs", need to touch feet at the drop of a hat, need to not raise her eyes, need to cook without ready-to-eat packs. Well with time, she adjusts, she earns her postion, she wins the love of her husband and folks around, but yeah, the first day - like for a small kid left in a hostel by her parents - my heart goes out to her...

Afterthought ...

I think it is possible for a person to be in love with two folks :).

Love ...

Yesterday I had a very engaging discussion with my friends ... About being in love with 2 folks (I can hear mary chuckle as she reads the above line) ...It all started with the movie "Mujhse Shaadi Karogi" where the female was confused about whom she should marry.
By my definition of love - I felt it was not possible at same point in time to be in love with 2 folks, at different points in time totally possible and if you are talking about true love as being love of human beings then yeah at that state you can feel for multiple people...a few of them felt that I did not open up to the mental state of other folks who can fall in love with two folks ... I on the otherhand had a point of view that those folks feel that they are in love but I dont think they are and in the course of discussion some very interesting point of views came up - love is extreme form of likeness, you cannot love 2 people at the same time as a director cannot make two movies at the same time (or a painter cannot draw two paintings at the same time), love consumes you, or that all consuming love is actually infactuation, and a very interesting point that love has a imaginary part and a real part , will you stop loving if the person leaves you? However, finally as true blue engineers we concluded that if love can be measured in intensity in a scale from 1 to 10, and if at point 7 we reach a state that only one person can be loved by you then that is my definition of love and if someone defines love as point 5 then he can possibly be in love with multiple folks...then someone said tumhaara love love aur hammara love paani, when someone else retorted, tumhaare love ki definition hee paani hai..lot of logic and mathematics went into defining what love is and I thought let me have one attempt to describe the feeling of love for myself (as what I feel is love) starting from a clean slate but deriving from my own observations and experiences. I fear that I might end up contradicting myself at different points or change my course- as that's what I feel love is - illogical, constantly changing, confusing ...

But then I also feel it is a state of peacefulness, a state of security, a place of belonging...it sometimes begins with a state of complete chaos...how lucky are those who have experienced that chaos, who have experienced that complete madness, loss of identity, breakdown of reason, loss of the concept of "I". It's a state of high, its a state of restlessness. It's a state of "goose bumps and sudden smiles". It's that stage when you argue against yourself, against your own reasons.. it awakens you from your mundane slumber, it intensifies if you try to defy it, you find a purpose, purpose in a person... It's a feeling you fail to comprehend , or justify to someone else - "Arre you won't understand" - as this feeling is not coming from your conscious, it is coming from you unconscious, the part of you who doesnot care about reasons, have you ever felt that part of yours? Have you ever had to answer the question - "why are you smiling" :).
If you accept that chaos, accept that breakdown of self, your chaos ends in an harmony, the harmony I call as love, as you have acknowledged that crazy self of yours, as you have realized that living life is about experiencing this chaos...and your concept of self has expanded to include that other person. This state of harmony is not dependent on the reciprocation of love, it is only dependent on your own acceptance of it...the need for reciprocation is there only if the concept of self hasn't broken down...but it has....the acceptance gives you security, feeling of belonging within yourself... you have grown. You have experienced some of your feelings through someone else. Someone just shook you... defying all instincts of survival you have placed someone before yourself, you became one with your creator ...
Is it infactuation, may be, am I a maniac, may be :), is it beginning of a true love, may be...

and i am back

it has probably been 3-4 months since i posted anything here and even longer since I have had any creative juices flowing.
Much has happened since then - I am married (to someone who I think has stolen my tiffin box), have made a few videos - Our monkeys production has debuted with Andy's farewell and so on. I haven't cooked except the shrimps with coconut and onion (which turned out okayish) and have developed a new addiction to dack chocolate covered espresso beans which I am chewing even now. I am a few pounds heavier, can take 6 shots without getting drunk, havr dicovered friendship with my tough guy -russian colleague and yeah got a huge tattoo on my back.
Mentally too - in my recent few months I have lived my life from outside when I was going through the marriage ceremony - was trying to grasp things - debating the possible viaolent history of the marriage ceramony (guy comes with a sword on a horse) and complaining aboot sexual discrimination - why do girls have to go to guys' family? - trying to get perspective of things - and then have lived my life from within - on having a companion who understands my questions - never ignores my aspirations - sometimes dreams on my behalf and yeah most importantly makes sense out of me.
I have also discovered my new passion for movie making - have only made videos and skits but in those i like the idea of orchestrating a small fictitious word - it is just like writing a blog or cooking, you see a medley of thoughts meeting, parting ways - sometimes you fear that you might end up in a cacaphony but then there is a feeling of triumph when you come up witha a melody.
With that - let the thoughts flow - lets restart the blog.

old times

From: Meena Kadav
Subject: YOUR POEM WRITTEN WHEN U WERE IN CLASS 7 TH AND SENT TO PAPA AT GWALIOR

A letter from Arati to Papa when you were in class 7th
I am fine here and hope same from you.There are few things which I forgot to say you in Telephone for e.g I got a prize in story writing competition and received a steel plate. I have begun to write poem in english. Now I want to bore you
Corrupt Environment
Corruption, corruption every where corruption
From where has the corruption arisen
Nobody Care for the nation
Everybody is in evils domination
Corruption, corruption whose creation
Everybody wants to get rid of the salutation
Yet they don't want to leave profit of corruption
Corruption, corruption mind pollution
What is the solution
Nobody chooses a better resolution
What will happen to future generation

Department with daddy ( Present poem)
Oh my dear cute father
I am your only daughter
Where have you gone?
Leaving me alone
A weed of department has grown
Cant be overcome by phone
Sitting alone in the room
I am cursing the doom
Asking for the boon
Of your arriving soon
Come here and meet
With your daughter sweet.

A poem on you - Genuine beauty
Eyes of a beautiful face
Makes the sight full of grace
Lips of a sweet voice
Makes of the song of your choice
Hair which are clean and tidy
Adds to the beautiful personality
Cheeks with the color of rose
Brings your children very close
A kind word for poor and disable
Makes a man more respectable

Note - Our examination are starting
From 3rd and ending at 16 March
Asim ko bhi meri poem ka bukhar hai

kid bros

Overheard Asim -on knowing that I will go to delhi after marriage he said to mom - why is arati going to delhi after marriage why isnt she coming back to nashik with us.

Later after stayin with me in Nashik and after 1000th fight we had - Abhi jo karna hai kar - delhi jayegi to pata chalega :).

why is live search the best place to work in ...

its all about people :)

question for all married women

If your husband and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?

Bachelorette party

Hmm - I have heard about fanciest of them all- Vegas, pubs, strippers, blah blah blah. Well who would know that the best one in the world is happening in the cabana of archstone apartments.
My friends thought of surprising me so when I went they started a video- well our group is in major video making mode so though I was a little surprised but yeah somewhere I was seeing it coming. And the video started:
Sam: "Hi guys we are here to celebrate Arati's marriage to saurabh"
Ankur came and said: " Chodo yaar - no video-shideo this time We will give live performance."
And trust me this live performance was more thrilling that the Bryan Adam's contest I attended! Infact the Bryan Adam's thing can't even be compared to this. Everytime I see it I feel speechless :). This is the best gift anyone has ever given me :).

updates to somewhat baked cookies

Added 8 recipes and 5 wishlists. Mary help me make some of the jaggery dishes mentioned there :)