I was busy talking to school friends or calling them over today (story so far - I and saurabh share the same key of the apartment and saurabh took the key to office to get its duplicate made and I was locked at home (btw he couldnot find time to make the duplicate and i am so mad at him for that)). Inspite of having so many things to do and books to read the fact that i am forced to stay inside the apartment when I could see the beautiful beach outside was making me turn over in my - umm- sofa.
Anyways coming back to the point...I met a friend who like me has a tattoo :) but is unwilling to settle for a normal life (read marrying indian guys) and then she told me abt another common friend of ours and said that she cannot connect to her and felt that she could relate to me coz I follow my heart too.
Well then I spoke to this another friend who is so close to me and mentioned that I met this girl and she told me yeah she is pretty wild and she cannot relate to her and is thankful that I am back as she can relate to me as I am just like her - a normal girl.
Well frankly, I could connect to both of them pretty well. And this is my theory - the possibility of friendship and connection with someone is not a transitive relationship.
P.S- yes I have too much of free time in my hand with being locked inside like this
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
an artist's dilemma
They say that an artistic medium is a medium to express and not impress (or that's what I read from a blog of a new generation writer). Not more could I agree with the sentence and especially the rhyme in it makes it sound very profound. But at the same time, I feel that the biggest reward for such an expression is when someone "get's it". Someone understands what you went out and expressed. Someone gets impressed with it.
As the hindu philosophy goes, "karm kar phal ki chinta mat kar" ("Do your work and do not worry about the results" - something my mom always says since childhood and I had written this down and pasted that note behind my computer in iitk and a few guys saw it and made total fun of it).
Maybe the same applies here - express yourself without any inhibitions. So much so for the goal oriented world.
As the hindu philosophy goes, "karm kar phal ki chinta mat kar" ("Do your work and do not worry about the results" - something my mom always says since childhood and I had written this down and pasted that note behind my computer in iitk and a few guys saw it and made total fun of it).
Maybe the same applies here - express yourself without any inhibitions. So much so for the goal oriented world.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
housewife diary cont...
Arati to Saurabh: I don't like your tea.
Saurabh to Arati: I don't like your food.
Arati: Why
Saurabh: Your food is very south Indian. I dont like south Indian food so much.
Later...
Arati to Asim: I think saurabh doesn't like the food I cook.
Asim: ok
Arati: what should i do? what should i do?
Asim: nothing. He will get used to it.
Later...
Arati to Saurabh: I like the tea you make.
:).
P.S- Blame Dami, mary, VC, g3, paramesh for making my cooking predominantly south indian.
Saurabh to Arati: I don't like your food.
Arati: Why
Saurabh: Your food is very south Indian. I dont like south Indian food so much.
Later...
Arati to Asim: I think saurabh doesn't like the food I cook.
Asim: ok
Arati: what should i do? what should i do?
Asim: nothing. He will get used to it.
Later...
Arati to Saurabh: I like the tea you make.
:).
P.S- Blame Dami, mary, VC, g3, paramesh for making my cooking predominantly south indian.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
my weird psychology
Vodofone guy had come over to do my address verification.
Guy: Are you Miss or Mrs
Me: Mrs
Guy: But your husband surname is kumar
Me: I have not changed the surname
Guy: What is your occupation
Me: hmm Student
Guy: How can you be married and student
Me: Why can I not be both married and student
Pause
Guy: Shall I write housewife?
Me: No write student
---
Yesterday I gave a woman 50 rupees. Saurabh thinks she fooled me but she had asked me immediately after i had bought a chocolate pastry worth 40 rupees. It just didn't seem fair to have those 50 rupees on my side and that (allegedly hungry) kid on her side. I just gave her benefit of doubt.
Guy: Are you Miss or Mrs
Me: Mrs
Guy: But your husband surname is kumar
Me: I have not changed the surname
Guy: What is your occupation
Me: hmm Student
Guy: How can you be married and student
Me: Why can I not be both married and student
Pause
Guy: Shall I write housewife?
Me: No write student
---
Yesterday I gave a woman 50 rupees. Saurabh thinks she fooled me but she had asked me immediately after i had bought a chocolate pastry worth 40 rupees. It just didn't seem fair to have those 50 rupees on my side and that (allegedly hungry) kid on her side. I just gave her benefit of doubt.
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Aha- the housewife diary
Saurabh thinks that I am too active to just stay bolted inside the house. It had been only 2 days - that too a weekend and I was wondering what I should do the coming week. Yup there is lots of work lined up - fitting my 9 suitcases into 3 cupboards, furnishing and decorating the apartment and getting it ready for a small housewarming, reading books on movie making- yes I visited the institute and met a few folks there and realized that I really need to be well-prepared before I join (did I tell the classes are from 8 in the morning to 7:30 in the evening + add 1 hour of commute on both ends + add the fact that more than 12 classes missed means you are dropped out of the course!). I also want to explore the neighbourhood (Mount Mary road - my association with Mary doesnt end). My flat overlooks ocean and also balcony of old-time movie stars - Jackie Shroff and Rekha (I say that it is fraud news as I havent seen them even once in last 2 days). Neighbourhood has band-stand and bungalow of shahrukh Khan and I need to just jog in bandstand area if the sun goes easy on me. Oh how I wish the sun was a little less harsher!
I need to get internet installed - wont be done till 12 more days - as it is going to be provided by our building -it is Reliance - now they are going the comcast way - one cable provides everything- right now I am stealing neighbour's wireless (>:)). . I have maid - Samita who comes and does everything except cooking - I wouldn't let anyone else cook at my home ever but Saurabh says that once my classes starts we will need it. There is someone for ironing clothes too. We don't have a car yet and I will buy Maruti Swift pretty soon. I already have a driver though - an overly talkative Wasim (whio currently drives a taxi) - who also wants me to buy a swift or a Toyota Innova (and I dunno why). I keep wondering what he will do outside institute full day and am thinking if I should drive myself but Saurabh says better to have a driver and not deal with the mind-numbing Mumbai traffic. I also keep wondering what I will do if my maid or driver doesn't come one day. I want to be self-reliant at the end of the day.
Mumbai city is bustling with people, very fashionable (which I find very interesting), the windows of the houses are open (that is a big deal after living in closed windowed apartments for so long), there is easy access to house help, you enter a shop and 4 salesmen are ready to help you, the 1-800 numbers have started, there is craze for IPL cricket matches, the shops have salsa and chakkali placed in the same aisle, fresh juices are cheaper than that from concentrate, there is an increased realization of the fact that India is young now with all ads targeting the youth, there is heavy inflation- infact I donot let saurabh buy half of the things (sugar-cane juice is now 8 rupees instead of 5 rupees), the traffic tires you more than the actual work, the various application forms like those for mobile etc ask for father's or husband's name, there is cuckoo and peacock and early morning alarm from all the hens and cocks in the neighbourhood, you call them and they come pick up dvd and then deliver photos, call and they deliver everything under the sun, but at the end of the day the biggest difference is being able to live with someone with whom I had decided to build my nest so many years ago.
Ok- let's unpack now :).
I need to get internet installed - wont be done till 12 more days - as it is going to be provided by our building -it is Reliance - now they are going the comcast way - one cable provides everything- right now I am stealing neighbour's wireless (>:)). . I have maid - Samita who comes and does everything except cooking - I wouldn't let anyone else cook at my home ever but Saurabh says that once my classes starts we will need it. There is someone for ironing clothes too. We don't have a car yet and I will buy Maruti Swift pretty soon. I already have a driver though - an overly talkative Wasim (whio currently drives a taxi) - who also wants me to buy a swift or a Toyota Innova (and I dunno why). I keep wondering what he will do outside institute full day and am thinking if I should drive myself but Saurabh says better to have a driver and not deal with the mind-numbing Mumbai traffic. I also keep wondering what I will do if my maid or driver doesn't come one day. I want to be self-reliant at the end of the day.
Mumbai city is bustling with people, very fashionable (which I find very interesting), the windows of the houses are open (that is a big deal after living in closed windowed apartments for so long), there is easy access to house help, you enter a shop and 4 salesmen are ready to help you, the 1-800 numbers have started, there is craze for IPL cricket matches, the shops have salsa and chakkali placed in the same aisle, fresh juices are cheaper than that from concentrate, there is an increased realization of the fact that India is young now with all ads targeting the youth, there is heavy inflation- infact I donot let saurabh buy half of the things (sugar-cane juice is now 8 rupees instead of 5 rupees), the traffic tires you more than the actual work, the various application forms like those for mobile etc ask for father's or husband's name, there is cuckoo and peacock and early morning alarm from all the hens and cocks in the neighbourhood, you call them and they come pick up dvd and then deliver photos, call and they deliver everything under the sun, but at the end of the day the biggest difference is being able to live with someone with whom I had decided to build my nest so many years ago.
Ok- let's unpack now :).
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Splash, run, jump. Live!
This is the caption I am rooting for in one of the "design the laptop skin contest" for one of the teams I do not work in :) . I thought I can anyways pariticipate and ended up designing this- http://www.schtickers.com/catalog/laptopskins/create/preview.php?id=200331200804170331
Now I am not an extremely "proud of myself" kinda person. On the other hand I underrate myself and appear less confident for my capabilites (this can be called as a self-contradictory statement).
And after saying all this I am gonna tell you that I think my design and the caption is the best so far in the competition. And I say it in total objectivity.
And I will tell you why- because it is right in spirit. It is something that would cheer me more when I am happy and it will give me confidence when I am not feeling motivated. And that brings me to a point where lots of folks designed most of their captions around beating others. And it hurts me when the judge showed some liking towards a few of them (dunno why I am getting personal about this).
But frankly, folks talking about beating others, I do not find that an encouraging thing. Infact the moment someone asks me to beat someone, he makes a statement that in current capabilities I am not as good as the other person and additionally my aspiration should be around being better than that person. I am okay with the first part of the statement. But totally not okay with having an element of comparison in my aspiration.
I want my aspirations to motivate me, to provide me some energy , provide me that overwhelming intoxication and I want to feel that rhythm, feel the positive energy from what I am doing right now. I want my aspirations to be beyond the current age competition. I want it to be a state of bliss... I aspire for a state of mind and not for a goal. If I reach that state I know I am already successful - I have already attained what I started for and I need not beat anyone to get there. Basically I do not run to come first. I run to run and that keeps me going, keeps me running...
I don't know if I am correct or if I am just different...
Now I am not an extremely "proud of myself" kinda person. On the other hand I underrate myself and appear less confident for my capabilites (this can be called as a self-contradictory statement).
And after saying all this I am gonna tell you that I think my design and the caption is the best so far in the competition. And I say it in total objectivity.
And I will tell you why- because it is right in spirit. It is something that would cheer me more when I am happy and it will give me confidence when I am not feeling motivated. And that brings me to a point where lots of folks designed most of their captions around beating others. And it hurts me when the judge showed some liking towards a few of them (dunno why I am getting personal about this).
But frankly, folks talking about beating others, I do not find that an encouraging thing. Infact the moment someone asks me to beat someone, he makes a statement that in current capabilities I am not as good as the other person and additionally my aspiration should be around being better than that person. I am okay with the first part of the statement. But totally not okay with having an element of comparison in my aspiration.
I want my aspirations to motivate me, to provide me some energy , provide me that overwhelming intoxication and I want to feel that rhythm, feel the positive energy from what I am doing right now. I want my aspirations to be beyond the current age competition. I want it to be a state of bliss... I aspire for a state of mind and not for a goal. If I reach that state I know I am already successful - I have already attained what I started for and I need not beat anyone to get there. Basically I do not run to come first. I run to run and that keeps me going, keeps me running...
I don't know if I am correct or if I am just different...
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Laughing Buddha ...
A long distance relationship is the shortest way to attain nirvana...it teaches you patience, non-violence (how do you hit from so far) and abstinence.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
change ...
I have a huge inertia against changes...And I can cite various reasons to not change - lazyness, insecurity, fondness for the existing entities...
But then, I have grown up at multiple places, from south to north to central India, moving with my parents, trying to restart my life in a new place every 5-6 years. I have come to realize that once inflicted upon me, change is something that I takeup to very easily. It's like starting from a white background and constructing my world bit by bit - figuring out the most convenient grocery store, making new friends, trying to make them realize that I am no different and yet preserve my individuality...
When I see that the person that I am today - I see that most of what I am is influenced by all these various environments I have experienced. I have met a variety of people - from frustratingly conservative to mind-numbing liberal ones. I am a product of all these environments. I understand multiple point of views so much so that it makes it difficult for me to identify which one is mine. There are people who are split into 2 personalities, I sometimes feel I am split into many and all of them coexist.
Whenever I go to a new place, it poses a challenge for me - I need to figure it out - tame it. It is a puzzle to be solved, a beast to be tamed. I need to understand the folks, understand their "wassups", their way of living, what they talk when they eat...I learn new things like- I need to be fit, I need to read about politics - and I revel in that understanding and that learning. I feel like expanding my own boundaries, I feel the growth within...I grow because of these changes in my life...and then I become comfortable ...till I am forced to step out of it ...till the tide of change has arrived...no matter how much I try to avoid it I get swept by it...the new change poses new challenges ... and a new cycle starts which is pretty similar , kinda like a deja vu.. At a meta level, nothing changes ...what if I do not want to change and want to just stay at one place...but then I have my inertia ....that propels me towards change...
But then, I have grown up at multiple places, from south to north to central India, moving with my parents, trying to restart my life in a new place every 5-6 years. I have come to realize that once inflicted upon me, change is something that I takeup to very easily. It's like starting from a white background and constructing my world bit by bit - figuring out the most convenient grocery store, making new friends, trying to make them realize that I am no different and yet preserve my individuality...
When I see that the person that I am today - I see that most of what I am is influenced by all these various environments I have experienced. I have met a variety of people - from frustratingly conservative to mind-numbing liberal ones. I am a product of all these environments. I understand multiple point of views so much so that it makes it difficult for me to identify which one is mine. There are people who are split into 2 personalities, I sometimes feel I am split into many and all of them coexist.
Whenever I go to a new place, it poses a challenge for me - I need to figure it out - tame it. It is a puzzle to be solved, a beast to be tamed. I need to understand the folks, understand their "wassups", their way of living, what they talk when they eat...I learn new things like- I need to be fit, I need to read about politics - and I revel in that understanding and that learning. I feel like expanding my own boundaries, I feel the growth within...I grow because of these changes in my life...and then I become comfortable ...till I am forced to step out of it ...till the tide of change has arrived...no matter how much I try to avoid it I get swept by it...the new change poses new challenges ... and a new cycle starts which is pretty similar , kinda like a deja vu.. At a meta level, nothing changes ...what if I do not want to change and want to just stay at one place...but then I have my inertia ....that propels me towards change...
Friday, March 28, 2008
generation gap - whadda phuck is dat
I recently had a chat with a 21 year old in India (no don't ask me why - long story). And the coversation was something like this:
Arati: Hi. Thanks for taking time out.
That guy: usually m onlyne at this tym ... 2nyte was juss sleepin takin some rest so got late .. :p
That guy: hey listn ... i'll be back in feu mins ... have a grup meetihn ...
Arati: sure
That guy: sowwi to cut down da convers,
Arati: No problem at all :)
That guy: back .. still onlyne ...
Arati: yup- gimme 5 mins <-- that gimme was my cool factor that I gathered in the small break i got
That guy: no worries take ur tyme... pyce
Arati: what is pyce ?
That guy: peace
Arati: oh
Finally after a few conversations, when I conceded that I am not getting his phonetic language he said:
ohhh ... lol ... sowwi for da discomfrt u faced :p
Well..
Next moment I was telling everyone around about the language being spoken by 21 year olds. I was under the impression that I could still talk to any person of any age group without really needing any efforts to understand what he is trying to say. Well seems like thats's not true with me and current 21 year olds. That was a surprise for me. I thought - "...Gawd...whad dis erld iz cuming 2?" (that sorta language is infectious)
Just then, my brother sent me a mail that I had sent 5 years ago to my previous company - it was my farewell(good bye) mail and it went like this:
Some wisdom rather quest of adventure has pushed thee into the snare of IIT, Kanpur whose ostentatious AC departments have besotted thee and prompted to renounce the banana chips and the most coveted seat in Sigma house in lovable Persistent. Included in this Buddha-act of renunciation is the 50 MB of email account arati_kadav@persistent.co.in.
But temptations manifests itself in different forms and thee have opened two new accounts :
aratikadav@yahoo.com
aratikadav@hotmail.com
with its modest accommodations.
For alternative mode of information transmission one has:
(0712)2543811 my phone number in the ancestral flat
502,Shiv Gaurav Estate
1, Bhagwaghar Layout
Dharampeth
Nagpur-10
Thous mails would be the only consolation in thee's period of exile that would last for 2 years.So good bye my friends for tis now the time that we set forth to meet face to face that what we fear:). Here's wishing thou's happiness, progress and heavenly glory.
A supercalli fragillus expalidotius colleague of yours, Arati
P.S1- Would really miss my favorite habitat
P.S2- Couldn't help pestering by this-type mail :)
Hmmm...So it is not just this 21 year old guy, I think I have a generation gap with all 21 year olds that ever existed - including myself...:)...Tis not thee but i dat bcam difren...
PS1: My heart aches to see that in our times we used Shakerpearean touch to influence our language and today's kids use Shaggy's touch to influence their language.
PS2- My heart aches even more when I see myself using phrases like "in our times" and "today's kids" :(.
Arati: Hi. Thanks for taking time out.
That guy: usually m onlyne at this tym ... 2nyte was juss sleepin takin some rest so got late .. :p
That guy: hey listn ... i'll be back in feu mins ... have a grup meetihn ...
Arati: sure
That guy: sowwi to cut down da convers,
Arati: No problem at all :)
That guy: back .. still onlyne ...
Arati: yup- gimme 5 mins <-- that gimme was my cool factor that I gathered in the small break i got
That guy: no worries take ur tyme... pyce
Arati: what is pyce ?
That guy: peace
Arati: oh
Finally after a few conversations, when I conceded that I am not getting his phonetic language he said:
ohhh ... lol ... sowwi for da discomfrt u faced :p
Well..
Next moment I was telling everyone around about the language being spoken by 21 year olds. I was under the impression that I could still talk to any person of any age group without really needing any efforts to understand what he is trying to say. Well seems like thats's not true with me and current 21 year olds. That was a surprise for me. I thought - "...Gawd...whad dis erld iz cuming 2?" (that sorta language is infectious)
Just then, my brother sent me a mail that I had sent 5 years ago to my previous company - it was my farewell(good bye) mail and it went like this:
Some wisdom rather quest of adventure has pushed thee into the snare of IIT, Kanpur whose ostentatious AC departments have besotted thee and prompted to renounce the banana chips and the most coveted seat in Sigma house in lovable Persistent. Included in this Buddha-act of renunciation is the 50 MB of email account arati_kadav@persistent.co.in.
But temptations manifests itself in different forms and thee have opened two new accounts :
aratikadav@yahoo.com
aratikadav@hotmail.com
with its modest accommodations.
For alternative mode of information transmission one has:
(0712)2543811 my phone number in the ancestral flat
502,Shiv Gaurav Estate
1, Bhagwaghar Layout
Dharampeth
Nagpur-10
Thous mails would be the only consolation in thee's period of exile that would last for 2 years.So good bye my friends for tis now the time that we set forth to meet face to face that what we fear:). Here's wishing thou's happiness, progress and heavenly glory.
A supercalli fragillus expalidotius colleague of yours, Arati
P.S1- Would really miss my favorite habitat
P.S2- Couldn't help pestering by this-type mail :)
Hmmm...So it is not just this 21 year old guy, I think I have a generation gap with all 21 year olds that ever existed - including myself...:)...Tis not thee but i dat bcam difren...
PS1: My heart aches to see that in our times we used Shakerpearean touch to influence our language and today's kids use Shaggy's touch to influence their language.
PS2- My heart aches even more when I see myself using phrases like "in our times" and "today's kids" :(.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
All men are born equal
unless they are born women...
"Ladki ka kanyadaan sampann hua"
I am one of those lucky few who have experienced equality of sexes enough to perceive that there are inequalities still existing in our society. And I wince at the fact that I tolerated it.
My marriage apart from celebrations of union of 2 souls (ok - gimme a break :)!) was also illuminating in the sense I realized how much sexual discrimination is prevalent in our society and is being carried forward in the name of "culture" and if not culture "tradition".
And I don't know what it is(s it the Gladiator movie I just saw) that has instigated me to voice it right now. Why is there kanyadaan? Why do the bride's family host the marriage function? Why does the girl leave to the groom's house?
Its not for myself but my heart goes out for 1000s of those girls who grow up in their family, happily bossing their younger brothers, being pampered by their father and mother -leave everything and go and settle in some different town, burdened by "customs", need to touch feet at the drop of a hat, need to not raise her eyes, need to cook without ready-to-eat packs. Well with time, she adjusts, she earns her postion, she wins the love of her husband and folks around, but yeah, the first day - like for a small kid left in a hostel by her parents - my heart goes out to her...
"Ladki ka kanyadaan sampann hua"
I am one of those lucky few who have experienced equality of sexes enough to perceive that there are inequalities still existing in our society. And I wince at the fact that I tolerated it.
My marriage apart from celebrations of union of 2 souls (ok - gimme a break :)!) was also illuminating in the sense I realized how much sexual discrimination is prevalent in our society and is being carried forward in the name of "culture" and if not culture "tradition".
And I don't know what it is(s it the Gladiator movie I just saw) that has instigated me to voice it right now. Why is there kanyadaan? Why do the bride's family host the marriage function? Why does the girl leave to the groom's house?
Its not for myself but my heart goes out for 1000s of those girls who grow up in their family, happily bossing their younger brothers, being pampered by their father and mother -leave everything and go and settle in some different town, burdened by "customs", need to touch feet at the drop of a hat, need to not raise her eyes, need to cook without ready-to-eat packs. Well with time, she adjusts, she earns her postion, she wins the love of her husband and folks around, but yeah, the first day - like for a small kid left in a hostel by her parents - my heart goes out to her...
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Love ...
Yesterday I had a very engaging discussion with my friends ... About being in love with 2 folks (I can hear mary chuckle as she reads the above line) ...It all started with the movie "Mujhse Shaadi Karogi" where the female was confused about whom she should marry.
By my definition of love - I felt it was not possible at same point in time to be in love with 2 folks, at different points in time totally possible and if you are talking about true love as being love of human beings then yeah at that state you can feel for multiple people...a few of them felt that I did not open up to the mental state of other folks who can fall in love with two folks ... I on the otherhand had a point of view that those folks feel that they are in love but I dont think they are and in the course of discussion some very interesting point of views came up - love is extreme form of likeness, you cannot love 2 people at the same time as a director cannot make two movies at the same time (or a painter cannot draw two paintings at the same time), love consumes you, or that all consuming love is actually infactuation, and a very interesting point that love has a imaginary part and a real part , will you stop loving if the person leaves you? However, finally as true blue engineers we concluded that if love can be measured in intensity in a scale from 1 to 10, and if at point 7 we reach a state that only one person can be loved by you then that is my definition of love and if someone defines love as point 5 then he can possibly be in love with multiple folks...then someone said tumhaara love love aur hammara love paani, when someone else retorted, tumhaare love ki definition hee paani hai..lot of logic and mathematics went into defining what love is and I thought let me have one attempt to describe the feeling of love for myself (as what I feel is love) starting from a clean slate but deriving from my own observations and experiences. I fear that I might end up contradicting myself at different points or change my course- as that's what I feel love is - illogical, constantly changing, confusing ...
But then I also feel it is a state of peacefulness, a state of security, a place of belonging...it sometimes begins with a state of complete chaos...how lucky are those who have experienced that chaos, who have experienced that complete madness, loss of identity, breakdown of reason, loss of the concept of "I". It's a state of high, its a state of restlessness. It's a state of "goose bumps and sudden smiles". It's that stage when you argue against yourself, against your own reasons.. it awakens you from your mundane slumber, it intensifies if you try to defy it, you find a purpose, purpose in a person... It's a feeling you fail to comprehend , or justify to someone else - "Arre you won't understand" - as this feeling is not coming from your conscious, it is coming from you unconscious, the part of you who doesnot care about reasons, have you ever felt that part of yours? Have you ever had to answer the question - "why are you smiling" :).
If you accept that chaos, accept that breakdown of self, your chaos ends in an harmony, the harmony I call as love, as you have acknowledged that crazy self of yours, as you have realized that living life is about experiencing this chaos...and your concept of self has expanded to include that other person. This state of harmony is not dependent on the reciprocation of love, it is only dependent on your own acceptance of it...the need for reciprocation is there only if the concept of self hasn't broken down...but it has....the acceptance gives you security, feeling of belonging within yourself... you have grown. You have experienced some of your feelings through someone else. Someone just shook you... defying all instincts of survival you have placed someone before yourself, you became one with your creator ...
Is it infactuation, may be, am I a maniac, may be :), is it beginning of a true love, may be...
By my definition of love - I felt it was not possible at same point in time to be in love with 2 folks, at different points in time totally possible and if you are talking about true love as being love of human beings then yeah at that state you can feel for multiple people...a few of them felt that I did not open up to the mental state of other folks who can fall in love with two folks ... I on the otherhand had a point of view that those folks feel that they are in love but I dont think they are and in the course of discussion some very interesting point of views came up - love is extreme form of likeness, you cannot love 2 people at the same time as a director cannot make two movies at the same time (or a painter cannot draw two paintings at the same time), love consumes you, or that all consuming love is actually infactuation, and a very interesting point that love has a imaginary part and a real part , will you stop loving if the person leaves you? However, finally as true blue engineers we concluded that if love can be measured in intensity in a scale from 1 to 10, and if at point 7 we reach a state that only one person can be loved by you then that is my definition of love and if someone defines love as point 5 then he can possibly be in love with multiple folks...then someone said tumhaara love love aur hammara love paani, when someone else retorted, tumhaare love ki definition hee paani hai..lot of logic and mathematics went into defining what love is and I thought let me have one attempt to describe the feeling of love for myself (as what I feel is love) starting from a clean slate but deriving from my own observations and experiences. I fear that I might end up contradicting myself at different points or change my course- as that's what I feel love is - illogical, constantly changing, confusing ...
But then I also feel it is a state of peacefulness, a state of security, a place of belonging...it sometimes begins with a state of complete chaos...how lucky are those who have experienced that chaos, who have experienced that complete madness, loss of identity, breakdown of reason, loss of the concept of "I". It's a state of high, its a state of restlessness. It's a state of "goose bumps and sudden smiles". It's that stage when you argue against yourself, against your own reasons.. it awakens you from your mundane slumber, it intensifies if you try to defy it, you find a purpose, purpose in a person... It's a feeling you fail to comprehend , or justify to someone else - "Arre you won't understand" - as this feeling is not coming from your conscious, it is coming from you unconscious, the part of you who doesnot care about reasons, have you ever felt that part of yours? Have you ever had to answer the question - "why are you smiling" :).
If you accept that chaos, accept that breakdown of self, your chaos ends in an harmony, the harmony I call as love, as you have acknowledged that crazy self of yours, as you have realized that living life is about experiencing this chaos...and your concept of self has expanded to include that other person. This state of harmony is not dependent on the reciprocation of love, it is only dependent on your own acceptance of it...the need for reciprocation is there only if the concept of self hasn't broken down...but it has....the acceptance gives you security, feeling of belonging within yourself... you have grown. You have experienced some of your feelings through someone else. Someone just shook you... defying all instincts of survival you have placed someone before yourself, you became one with your creator ...
Is it infactuation, may be, am I a maniac, may be :), is it beginning of a true love, may be...
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
and i am back
it has probably been 3-4 months since i posted anything here and even longer since I have had any creative juices flowing.
Much has happened since then - I am married (to someone who I think has stolen my tiffin box), have made a few videos - Our monkeys production has debuted with Andy's farewell and so on. I haven't cooked except the shrimps with coconut and onion (which turned out okayish) and have developed a new addiction to dack chocolate covered espresso beans which I am chewing even now. I am a few pounds heavier, can take 6 shots without getting drunk, havr dicovered friendship with my tough guy -russian colleague and yeah got a huge tattoo on my back.
Mentally too - in my recent few months I have lived my life from outside when I was going through the marriage ceremony - was trying to grasp things - debating the possible viaolent history of the marriage ceramony (guy comes with a sword on a horse) and complaining aboot sexual discrimination - why do girls have to go to guys' family? - trying to get perspective of things - and then have lived my life from within - on having a companion who understands my questions - never ignores my aspirations - sometimes dreams on my behalf and yeah most importantly makes sense out of me.
I have also discovered my new passion for movie making - have only made videos and skits but in those i like the idea of orchestrating a small fictitious word - it is just like writing a blog or cooking, you see a medley of thoughts meeting, parting ways - sometimes you fear that you might end up in a cacaphony but then there is a feeling of triumph when you come up witha a melody.
With that - let the thoughts flow - lets restart the blog.
Much has happened since then - I am married (to someone who I think has stolen my tiffin box), have made a few videos - Our monkeys production has debuted with Andy's farewell and so on. I haven't cooked except the shrimps with coconut and onion (which turned out okayish) and have developed a new addiction to dack chocolate covered espresso beans which I am chewing even now. I am a few pounds heavier, can take 6 shots without getting drunk, havr dicovered friendship with my tough guy -russian colleague and yeah got a huge tattoo on my back.
Mentally too - in my recent few months I have lived my life from outside when I was going through the marriage ceremony - was trying to grasp things - debating the possible viaolent history of the marriage ceramony (guy comes with a sword on a horse) and complaining aboot sexual discrimination - why do girls have to go to guys' family? - trying to get perspective of things - and then have lived my life from within - on having a companion who understands my questions - never ignores my aspirations - sometimes dreams on my behalf and yeah most importantly makes sense out of me.
I have also discovered my new passion for movie making - have only made videos and skits but in those i like the idea of orchestrating a small fictitious word - it is just like writing a blog or cooking, you see a medley of thoughts meeting, parting ways - sometimes you fear that you might end up in a cacaphony but then there is a feeling of triumph when you come up witha a melody.
With that - let the thoughts flow - lets restart the blog.
Friday, February 22, 2008
old times
From: Meena Kadav
Subject: YOUR POEM WRITTEN WHEN U WERE IN CLASS 7 TH AND SENT TO PAPA AT GWALIOR
A letter from Arati to Papa when you were in class 7th
I am fine here and hope same from you.There are few things which I forgot to say you in Telephone for e.g I got a prize in story writing competition and received a steel plate. I have begun to write poem in english. Now I want to bore you
Corrupt Environment
Corruption, corruption every where corruption
From where has the corruption arisen
Nobody Care for the nation
Everybody is in evils domination
Corruption, corruption whose creation
Everybody wants to get rid of the salutation
Yet they don't want to leave profit of corruption
Corruption, corruption mind pollution
What is the solution
Nobody chooses a better resolution
What will happen to future generation
Department with daddy ( Present poem)
Oh my dear cute father
I am your only daughter
Where have you gone?
Leaving me alone
A weed of department has grown
Cant be overcome by phone
Sitting alone in the room
I am cursing the doom
Asking for the boon
Of your arriving soon
Come here and meet
With your daughter sweet.
A poem on you - Genuine beauty
Eyes of a beautiful face
Makes the sight full of grace
Lips of a sweet voice
Makes of the song of your choice
Hair which are clean and tidy
Adds to the beautiful personality
Cheeks with the color of rose
Brings your children very close
A kind word for poor and disable
Makes a man more respectable
Note - Our examination are starting
From 3rd and ending at 16 March
Asim ko bhi meri poem ka bukhar hai
Subject: YOUR POEM WRITTEN WHEN U WERE IN CLASS 7 TH AND SENT TO PAPA AT GWALIOR
A letter from Arati to Papa when you were in class 7th
I am fine here and hope same from you.There are few things which I forgot to say you in Telephone for e.g I got a prize in story writing competition and received a steel plate. I have begun to write poem in english. Now I want to bore you
Corrupt Environment
Corruption, corruption every where corruption
From where has the corruption arisen
Nobody Care for the nation
Everybody is in evils domination
Corruption, corruption whose creation
Everybody wants to get rid of the salutation
Yet they don't want to leave profit of corruption
Corruption, corruption mind pollution
What is the solution
Nobody chooses a better resolution
What will happen to future generation
Department with daddy ( Present poem)
Oh my dear cute father
I am your only daughter
Where have you gone?
Leaving me alone
A weed of department has grown
Cant be overcome by phone
Sitting alone in the room
I am cursing the doom
Asking for the boon
Of your arriving soon
Come here and meet
With your daughter sweet.
A poem on you - Genuine beauty
Eyes of a beautiful face
Makes the sight full of grace
Lips of a sweet voice
Makes of the song of your choice
Hair which are clean and tidy
Adds to the beautiful personality
Cheeks with the color of rose
Brings your children very close
A kind word for poor and disable
Makes a man more respectable
Note - Our examination are starting
From 3rd and ending at 16 March
Asim ko bhi meri poem ka bukhar hai
Sunday, January 13, 2008
kid bros
Overheard Asim -on knowing that I will go to delhi after marriage he said to mom - why is arati going to delhi after marriage why isnt she coming back to nashik with us.
Later after stayin with me in Nashik and after 1000th fight we had - Abhi jo karna hai kar - delhi jayegi to pata chalega :).
Later after stayin with me in Nashik and after 1000th fight we had - Abhi jo karna hai kar - delhi jayegi to pata chalega :).
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
question for all married women
If your husband and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
Monday, December 10, 2007
Bachelorette party
Hmm - I have heard about fanciest of them all- Vegas, pubs, strippers, blah blah blah. Well who would know that the best one in the world is happening in the cabana of archstone apartments.
My friends thought of surprising me so when I went they started a video- well our group is in major video making mode so though I was a little surprised but yeah somewhere I was seeing it coming. And the video started:
Sam: "Hi guys we are here to celebrate Arati's marriage to saurabh"
Ankur came and said: " Chodo yaar - no video-shideo this time We will give live performance."
And trust me this live performance was more thrilling that the Bryan Adam's contest I attended! Infact the Bryan Adam's thing can't even be compared to this. Everytime I see it I feel speechless :). This is the best gift anyone has ever given me :).
My friends thought of surprising me so when I went they started a video- well our group is in major video making mode so though I was a little surprised but yeah somewhere I was seeing it coming. And the video started:
Sam: "Hi guys we are here to celebrate Arati's marriage to saurabh"
Ankur came and said: " Chodo yaar - no video-shideo this time We will give live performance."
And trust me this live performance was more thrilling that the Bryan Adam's contest I attended! Infact the Bryan Adam's thing can't even be compared to this. Everytime I see it I feel speechless :). This is the best gift anyone has ever given me :).
Sunday, December 02, 2007
updates to somewhat baked cookies
Added 8 recipes and 5 wishlists. Mary help me make some of the jaggery dishes mentioned there :)
Monday, November 26, 2007
the karma theory
My mom to her brother (both 50+) - Every action has equal and opposite reaction.
My uncle - Then you should do very very very bad things to everyone and then very very very good things will happen to you. Isn't that the opposite.
Ofcourse he was making fun of my mom. Basically what my mom wanted to say that what goes out comes back .
A per this theory everything should make sense in totality. But why sometimes this equation doesn't make sense in its sub-divided forms even if you try to get the global perspective? If you see a man suffering - is it because of bad karma? But what if the man suffering is sad and at that time is not being able to figure out why he is suffering? Why would I want to see a big picture over the 7 life times? I dont want to see.
And then in reality shouldn't things be perfect - the co-operating world - the equilibrium - but then one guy defected and then this other had to defect against him - but it should have ended there - unless multiple folks defected and we thought of redistributing the pairs - and it never ended - poora balance kharab ho gaya. Mother Teresa says- its not you versus me - it is you versus rest of the world.
That would mean that you hurt once and then one hurt would be inflicted upon you - may be from a random person. But then what about this random person who revenged?
And then again - what about people who hurt themselves. Every person committing suicide will probably have to be killed too to neutralize the defect he comitted albeit against himself .
Why do we think that always both side of the equations should be balanced -or the truth is that it is never balanced - and just keeps trying to balance itself in a continuum? Does the world thrive in this dissonance?
My uncle - Then you should do very very very bad things to everyone and then very very very good things will happen to you. Isn't that the opposite.
Ofcourse he was making fun of my mom. Basically what my mom wanted to say that what goes out comes back .
A per this theory everything should make sense in totality. But why sometimes this equation doesn't make sense in its sub-divided forms even if you try to get the global perspective? If you see a man suffering - is it because of bad karma? But what if the man suffering is sad and at that time is not being able to figure out why he is suffering? Why would I want to see a big picture over the 7 life times? I dont want to see.
And then in reality shouldn't things be perfect - the co-operating world - the equilibrium - but then one guy defected and then this other had to defect against him - but it should have ended there - unless multiple folks defected and we thought of redistributing the pairs - and it never ended - poora balance kharab ho gaya. Mother Teresa says- its not you versus me - it is you versus rest of the world.
That would mean that you hurt once and then one hurt would be inflicted upon you - may be from a random person. But then what about this random person who revenged?
And then again - what about people who hurt themselves. Every person committing suicide will probably have to be killed too to neutralize the defect he comitted albeit against himself .
Why do we think that always both side of the equations should be balanced -or the truth is that it is never balanced - and just keeps trying to balance itself in a continuum? Does the world thrive in this dissonance?
Friday, October 19, 2007
food for thought
"The only style worth having is the one you can't help"
Courtesy:"http://www.paulgraham.com/taste.html"
A highly recommended read. Thanks Alistair (some of your mails seem to be useful too :) )
Courtesy:"http://www.paulgraham.com/taste.html"
A highly recommended read. Thanks Alistair (some of your mails seem to be useful too :) )
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Plug n Play marriages
Some marriages are plug and play. Some are like switching to a new OS ...
And you need to really experience the second kind to know how big the difference is :).
And you need to really experience the second kind to know how big the difference is :).
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
competetive desi girls..
..have met their match - hee ha ha
So I and Mary have joined a gym class - sculpt in 4 weeks- since last few weeks in proclub and suddenly this month there is this increase in number of desi girls. I was neutral - except with the mild concern that the number of folks might increase - restricting my decree of freedom. Little did I know that these girls flock and wait outside the door like flies outside a street lamp when the previous class is about to end to find a spot right in front below the instructor's nose. Infact after the class they were comparing notes as to when I joined because we have more stamina(According to them though we both felt that these girls had more stamina and lift 8 pounds weight in each arm - my max is still 3 pounds :( ). We both claimed that we joined only recently (and I reflected on the dialogues I might have had with my college and school competitors - I dont study much - I dont know how I got 20 out of 20).
And then today Mary was late and also these girls- dude its me so I went and reserved a spot for Mary too :).
So I and Mary have joined a gym class - sculpt in 4 weeks- since last few weeks in proclub and suddenly this month there is this increase in number of desi girls. I was neutral - except with the mild concern that the number of folks might increase - restricting my decree of freedom. Little did I know that these girls flock and wait outside the door like flies outside a street lamp when the previous class is about to end to find a spot right in front below the instructor's nose. Infact after the class they were comparing notes as to when I joined because we have more stamina(According to them though we both felt that these girls had more stamina and lift 8 pounds weight in each arm - my max is still 3 pounds :( ). We both claimed that we joined only recently (and I reflected on the dialogues I might have had with my college and school competitors - I dont study much - I dont know how I got 20 out of 20).
And then today Mary was late and also these girls- dude its me so I went and reserved a spot for Mary too :).
Sunday, September 30, 2007
King County - Day of giving
Donate one day to your community - work on something that is not related to your work. King county is the county to which we belong.
Well so that was the day of giving. The concept was great - enticing of sorts - except when the day of giving actually arrived. When I woke up I felt that the day was colder than usual and the work was going to be outdoors. On top of that we had to collect and car pool from office at 8:30 am - what!
Well I managed to reach office by 8:30 only to find the co-ordinater missing. Hmm - well I was angry and as usual not too keen and doing my - I dont wanna go -stuff.
Well we did go though. Seems like it was seattle weather's day fo giving too as later the sun rose and was shining brightly. All the while I thought it would just be like some timepass stuff - until I got there. Seems like there was indeed some serious worked plan and we had to take tool and be responsible for well-defined tasks ..aah. The thing that we had volunteered for was laying down a trail for trekking purpose. So we had 3 tasks -
1) Decommisooning a road - when suggested for the first time -we thought it was useless- all we had to do that cover existng trails with logs and plant ferns at the entrance so that no one walks over it. We felt a "Do Not Enter" sign should suffice but seems like that was out of question so we rejected this task untill our guide who lead us far-far away to a trail and asked to do exactly that. And oh yeah we did and lo and behold -utkash uprooted a dead tree to cover the trail.
2) The second task after a chocolate cup cake break (and a walk back to the trial head) was cleaning the trail by cutting down plants and trees that were growing in the path of the trail. The concept was that stretch both of your hands and if a plant hits your hand then it is on the way. Hmm - I started doing it and suddenly the concept of cutting plants hit me. Why cut plants - if you cut a animal it is savage - cutting plant not . So I was careful to not uproot healthy trees but just trim them - not less savage but well good enough to provide me a reason to cover my guilt.
Then there was lunch break with Alex getting some meticulosly packed tea (incidentally russians also cal ltea as chai (and they mean from china by that), potato edd salad and ham sandwiches. All desi married men coming with there 3 floor dubbas storing 3 course meals. We ate haertily - little did we know that the next task would consume all the energy we gained.
3) The next task was filling cart with heavy stones and taking it where the trail was laid. And this was by far the toughest. I and Alex carried the cart - mid-way I gave up holding it as it just flipped me -while coming back though I carried it. Ofcourse Alex had his part of sense of humour - how to donkeys yell in India. I said - ee aah ee aah. He said do they carry carts too and I sad - yes - some of them do. And then he started laughing. Hmm - it took me a while to understand that practical joke.
I ended with a gift card from King County. "It wrote - Trees can't hug back to say thanks". Well - only if they knew what was our task 2.
Well so that was the day of giving. The concept was great - enticing of sorts - except when the day of giving actually arrived. When I woke up I felt that the day was colder than usual and the work was going to be outdoors. On top of that we had to collect and car pool from office at 8:30 am - what!
Well I managed to reach office by 8:30 only to find the co-ordinater missing. Hmm - well I was angry and as usual not too keen and doing my - I dont wanna go -stuff.
Well we did go though. Seems like it was seattle weather's day fo giving too as later the sun rose and was shining brightly. All the while I thought it would just be like some timepass stuff - until I got there. Seems like there was indeed some serious worked plan and we had to take tool and be responsible for well-defined tasks ..aah. The thing that we had volunteered for was laying down a trail for trekking purpose. So we had 3 tasks -
1) Decommisooning a road - when suggested for the first time -we thought it was useless- all we had to do that cover existng trails with logs and plant ferns at the entrance so that no one walks over it. We felt a "Do Not Enter" sign should suffice but seems like that was out of question so we rejected this task untill our guide who lead us far-far away to a trail and asked to do exactly that. And oh yeah we did and lo and behold -utkash uprooted a dead tree to cover the trail.
2) The second task after a chocolate cup cake break (and a walk back to the trial head) was cleaning the trail by cutting down plants and trees that were growing in the path of the trail. The concept was that stretch both of your hands and if a plant hits your hand then it is on the way. Hmm - I started doing it and suddenly the concept of cutting plants hit me. Why cut plants - if you cut a animal it is savage - cutting plant not . So I was careful to not uproot healthy trees but just trim them - not less savage but well good enough to provide me a reason to cover my guilt.
Then there was lunch break with Alex getting some meticulosly packed tea (incidentally russians also cal ltea as chai (and they mean from china by that), potato edd salad and ham sandwiches. All desi married men coming with there 3 floor dubbas storing 3 course meals. We ate haertily - little did we know that the next task would consume all the energy we gained.
3) The next task was filling cart with heavy stones and taking it where the trail was laid. And this was by far the toughest. I and Alex carried the cart - mid-way I gave up holding it as it just flipped me -while coming back though I carried it. Ofcourse Alex had his part of sense of humour - how to donkeys yell in India. I said - ee aah ee aah. He said do they carry carts too and I sad - yes - some of them do. And then he started laughing. Hmm - it took me a while to understand that practical joke.
I ended with a gift card from King County. "It wrote - Trees can't hug back to say thanks". Well - only if they knew what was our task 2.
Monday, September 10, 2007
1000s of fortune cookies
my office room has 1000s of fortune cookies. One of the typical messages in the cookies are:
"Search and ye shall find" - join the Search team.
This is the new marketing strategy our team has acquired to attract internal microsoft employees to join in the search team. Provide fortune cookies in the cafeteria of other teams.
I remember what Girish once said in total earnestness: "I cant imagine working at any place as exciting as this" and I couldn't help but agree. There is lot of kick in being part of a underdog team trying really hard to beat the big guys. Working over the months and also on this fall release has changed my outlook from hopeless, to hopeful to confident to passionate. I know it is no miracle - its not impossible - and it is good to be in the side of the fence that believes in this fact and works for it.
Fortune favors the brave - well so do fortune cookies.
P.S- do look at my new tiny bag also in the picture :)
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Hmm - watching independence day
Remember "Independence Day" The Will Smith -Alien flick - I remebered watching it in a theatre - one of the 2 english movies that I convinced my parents to watch with me. The other was Titanic (we will talk about that experience later).
anyways - this time during India trip to keep me occupied - my boyfriend bought 5 dvds each of 100 bucks for me. I got to see the bourne series over there and one of the DVDs were all Will Smith flick. It had Pursuit of happiness (bad print), Hitch - a very good print and definitely more likable than partner and Independence Day.
Well this afternoon - while cooking - I thought I would settle for independence day - anyways I had totally forgotten about it and then after a little bit struggle with the menu I managed to play it - every thing was good - the titles - the print - the special effects until someone spoke. Yes - the movie is dubbed in Tamil. Hmm. Lets settle for unpirated kill bill
anyways - this time during India trip to keep me occupied - my boyfriend bought 5 dvds each of 100 bucks for me. I got to see the bourne series over there and one of the DVDs were all Will Smith flick. It had Pursuit of happiness (bad print), Hitch - a very good print and definitely more likable than partner and Independence Day.
Well this afternoon - while cooking - I thought I would settle for independence day - anyways I had totally forgotten about it and then after a little bit struggle with the menu I managed to play it - every thing was good - the titles - the print - the special effects until someone spoke. Yes - the movie is dubbed in Tamil. Hmm. Lets settle for unpirated kill bill
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Summer of Seattle
Right here sitting in my apartment (taking a break from a tea break with friends) I miss people I want to be with right now. I want them in the same surrounding - experience the same summer wind, the same lakeside, the same bustle as I do and I know that I will never be able to reconstruct the same situation ever in future - The imagination of this experience is there in my day-dreaming head but then it wasn't felt for real and never will it be ...
and then I wonder - what hurts more - the absence of people or the beauty of summer...
Addendum - enough rona dhona - heading back to Mary's
and then I wonder - what hurts more - the absence of people or the beauty of summer...
Addendum - enough rona dhona - heading back to Mary's
Monday, August 13, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
remembering mom's visit
"This is the office kitchen - we have everything even microwave and see all kinds of juices and drinks - starbucks coffee, hot chocolate, cold chocolate, milk, ice tea, pepsi, apple juice orange juice etc etc" - kuch chahiye kya?
"Apple juice"
"Apple juice"
Monday, July 09, 2007
busy busy
Wondering what I have been doing so far - hmm - trying to bake some cookies.
Check out the alteranative blog that my brother might find useful when he starts to cook:
http://aratikadav456.blogspot.com/
Check out the alteranative blog that my brother might find useful when he starts to cook:
http://aratikadav456.blogspot.com/
Saturday, June 09, 2007
New York !
Have you seen a small kid, with mud on her face, with dirty clothes, eagerly peeping into a colorful party room. The thing that shines the most in the image is that small girl's eyes. And that's what I liked about New York, it made my eyes shine much more than the sight of Brad Pitt in Oceans 13.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Parents day out
Yest went to Seattle's Pike's place market with my parents, VC's parents, Shankar's parents, Dami, Mary, Sam and Paramesh.Pike's place has the first starbucks shop (the differnetiating factor as pointed out by Shank was that in only that shop the lady is topless), there was a cheese tasting fest going but seems only I was interested in tasting cheese but I managed to munch on some until Dami said - chalo - kitna kha rahe ho moti.Later went to Alki Beach too and played kho kho.
Happiness
Is in the journey and not in the destination (is there one?) ...
P.S - except when you are flying to India.
http://iitk2us.blogspot.com
P.S - except when you are flying to India.
http://iitk2us.blogspot.com
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
India Shining ...
Well I almost titled it India Yelling - as I was yelled at >5 times by my mom while writing this blog on the eve before returning back from India. Each yelling had resulted in some punctuations and the final yelling has resulted in the abrupt ending.
--
My first morning in India began with a -
"Hello - How are you - New yorkk - hmmm" - remark from my 60 odd year old neighbour with a brisk handshake.
"No - Seattle" - was my reply
"hmmm uhmmm"
(We need to give Seattle more internaltional recognition. )
This was my first dawn in India(with a marathon 30 hours journey - 24 on flight and 6 on road).
Well the next morning began with a 6.30 am jog with my mp3 player strapped around my arm. On my way back my jog reduced to a walk on seeing a pack of stray dogs and that was the last time I jogged in India. The pounds I have piled over are testimony to that.
This time I went around India - Bangalore, Nagpur, Rajnandgaon and ofcourse Nashik. Travel on air, road and train. Met a ton of people - visited places ranging from a pub in Bangalore to a fort to the labour room of a general hospital (as a guest not a patient). I saw a whole world out there - just like here And I saw India changed like never before. The increase in consumerism reflected the evident rise in GDP, the increase of middle class people travelling in flights, surge of credit cards and online bookings (my dad using them!), and Ferrro Rocher in Raj Bhandar of a village. And the youth - never have I encountered so much energy, never have people tried to break the routine engineer, doctor profession, never have the doctors and engineers looked so enthusiastic (i met a small subset though) never had media been so visible (I have some issues with sensationalism and obsession with Ash-Abhishek marriage but I guess that would get tamed soon).
When in America - I always feel that I am in my mid-thirties. In India I felt as if I was in mid twenties. And that is India's age right now. And that is the promise it holds.
--
My first morning in India began with a -
"Hello - How are you - New yorkk - hmmm" - remark from my 60 odd year old neighbour with a brisk handshake.
"No - Seattle" - was my reply
"hmmm uhmmm"
(We need to give Seattle more internaltional recognition. )
This was my first dawn in India(with a marathon 30 hours journey - 24 on flight and 6 on road).
Well the next morning began with a 6.30 am jog with my mp3 player strapped around my arm. On my way back my jog reduced to a walk on seeing a pack of stray dogs and that was the last time I jogged in India. The pounds I have piled over are testimony to that.
This time I went around India - Bangalore, Nagpur, Rajnandgaon and ofcourse Nashik. Travel on air, road and train. Met a ton of people - visited places ranging from a pub in Bangalore to a fort to the labour room of a general hospital (as a guest not a patient). I saw a whole world out there - just like here And I saw India changed like never before. The increase in consumerism reflected the evident rise in GDP, the increase of middle class people travelling in flights, surge of credit cards and online bookings (my dad using them!), and Ferrro Rocher in Raj Bhandar of a village. And the youth - never have I encountered so much energy, never have people tried to break the routine engineer, doctor profession, never have the doctors and engineers looked so enthusiastic (i met a small subset though) never had media been so visible (I have some issues with sensationalism and obsession with Ash-Abhishek marriage but I guess that would get tamed soon).
When in America - I always feel that I am in my mid-thirties. In India I felt as if I was in mid twenties. And that is India's age right now. And that is the promise it holds.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Can you beat this :) !
My first blog entry ever - didn't know it was still hanging around for so long until today whne ankur pointed out!
http://aratikadav.rediffblogs.com/
http://aratikadav.rediffblogs.com/
Friday, March 30, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
its a small world afterall...
You start from a small family may be a small village - same set of people you run into - the milkman, the dhobi, the auto wallah, the grocery store guy, the same vegetable vendor, same friends of your parents, same friends in the school, same kids in the colony ...the same 2 km radius that contains your life ...that small world ...
and then you push your horizon - so far that you cant see it ...and you travel and meet people - new people - different people - you try out new things - you learn - you explore ... the world feels big - expanded ...
and then thousands of miles away from where you started - you set up a life for yourself - your friends, your office , your gym, your work, your mayuri chai, kahili's coffee, your routine, the 2 km radius ...
and then you push your horizon - so far that you cant see it ...and you travel and meet people - new people - different people - you try out new things - you learn - you explore ... the world feels big - expanded ...
and then thousands of miles away from where you started - you set up a life for yourself - your friends, your office , your gym, your work, your mayuri chai, kahili's coffee, your routine, the 2 km radius ...
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Ah ...
and the satisfaction that a small piece of code gives ....who are the folks who do not include software engg in the category of creative fields...
The "k" dilemma
Hmm ...one of my classmates had a beautiful daughter and she named her "kshirin"... reminds me of the big time numerology or "k" fad going on in India with movie and tv soap names starting from "k". apparently it is the lucky charm.
Also while writing this post - I am reminded of some forgotten grain of rice that is stuck beneath my key "k" in th keyboard which is making me press press the key "k" extra hard. Don't know if the absence of "k" is a bad luck charm but one of my recent mails did read - " I am looing into it"
Also while writing this post - I am reminded of some forgotten grain of rice that is stuck beneath my key "k" in th keyboard which is making me press press the key "k" extra hard. Don't know if the absence of "k" is a bad luck charm but one of my recent mails did read - " I am looing into it"
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Planning India trip
Me with my bro on email:
Me: What - I am going to Bangalore only for a day!!!!
My bro: 2 days! stop irritating me
Me: Why not a later flight on Sunday !!!
My bro: idiot this flight is 5K per person!and u sit in train afrom pune at 5 for rajnandgaon
Me:Is the round trip 10K total ? wh ydidnt you look for deals?
My bro: no its 14K total, 4K to go, 10K to come. 10K cuz 15ht is Sunday. And its ok.
Me: 6 K more for Sunday - why not Monday morning or late night flight!!! 6 K idiot!
My bro:moring was at 6AM. Dats why i booked late!
Me: Beevakoof Monday morning!!!
My bro: ask mummy, i just booked the days i got!
Called my mom - yelled - she called back - yelled back - then we mutually decided that we will stay in bangalore on sunday.
My bro: mummy called to cancel, ek baar main decide nahin kar sakte tum log!
Me: What - I am going to Bangalore only for a day!!!!
My bro: 2 days! stop irritating me
Me: Why not a later flight on Sunday !!!
My bro: idiot this flight is 5K per person!and u sit in train afrom pune at 5 for rajnandgaon
Me:Is the round trip 10K total ? wh ydidnt you look for deals?
My bro: no its 14K total, 4K to go, 10K to come. 10K cuz 15ht is Sunday. And its ok.
Me: 6 K more for Sunday - why not Monday morning or late night flight!!! 6 K idiot!
My bro:moring was at 6AM. Dats why i booked late!
Me: Beevakoof Monday morning!!!
My bro: ask mummy, i just booked the days i got!
Called my mom - yelled - she called back - yelled back - then we mutually decided that we will stay in bangalore on sunday.
My bro: mummy called to cancel, ek baar main decide nahin kar sakte tum log!
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Templates ...
One of my friends today told me about his young days (arnd 16) when he was a hippie ...he used to go to the nearest beach - and make money by inscribing tatoos and selling his kisses! Later he thought he liked computers and here he was at Microsoft. He told me he doesn't like templates...People trapped in a pattern...everyone trying to be everyone else ...
And this was the second conversation I had on the concept of social freedom. The fear, the guilt, the insecurity - that traps us...the need to confirm ...the need to justify if you are different...the need to emphasize I am right and you are also right...the society, the religion, the gimmicks ...it is so important to break the mould and take your decisions for yourself...it is so important to realize it early in the life...what is it that we fear to lose ? What is it that we want to save that we won't lose eventually ...it is so important to make your own path...even if eventually it is same as everyone else's, it is important to know that you chose it. It is important to be awake...
Well I do realize that most of my friends are non-templatized :)... they choose... they are independent - secure individuals...they explore, they try new things, they take risks...infact now that I think they all inspire me in a similar manner... as if they are derived from the same template ...
And this was the second conversation I had on the concept of social freedom. The fear, the guilt, the insecurity - that traps us...the need to confirm ...the need to justify if you are different...the need to emphasize I am right and you are also right...the society, the religion, the gimmicks ...it is so important to break the mould and take your decisions for yourself...it is so important to realize it early in the life...what is it that we fear to lose ? What is it that we want to save that we won't lose eventually ...it is so important to make your own path...even if eventually it is same as everyone else's, it is important to know that you chose it. It is important to be awake...
Well I do realize that most of my friends are non-templatized :)... they choose... they are independent - secure individuals...they explore, they try new things, they take risks...infact now that I think they all inspire me in a similar manner... as if they are derived from the same template ...
Sunday, February 25, 2007
farewell ....
A little change of flavor -
Elizabeth Barett Browning (Love Sonnet VI)
Go from me.
Yet I feel that I shall stand
Henceforward in thy shadow. Nevermore
Alone upon the threshold of my door
Of individual life, I shall command
The uses of my soul, nor lift my hand
Serenely in the sunshine as before,
Without the sense of that which I forbore--
Thy touch upon the palm. The widest land
Doom takes to part us, leaves thy heart in mine
With pulses that beat double. What I do
And what I dream include thee, as the wine
Must taste of its own grapes. And when I sue
God for myself, He hears that name of thine,
And sees within my eyes -
the tears of two
Elizabeth Barett Browning (Love Sonnet VI)
Go from me.
Yet I feel that I shall stand
Henceforward in thy shadow. Nevermore
Alone upon the threshold of my door
Of individual life, I shall command
The uses of my soul, nor lift my hand
Serenely in the sunshine as before,
Without the sense of that which I forbore--
Thy touch upon the palm. The widest land
Doom takes to part us, leaves thy heart in mine
With pulses that beat double. What I do
And what I dream include thee, as the wine
Must taste of its own grapes. And when I sue
God for myself, He hears that name of thine,
And sees within my eyes -
the tears of two
And please welcome ...
Well whoever said that the world consisted of only married or single people. Seems like they missed one category - which everyone is part of at some point in their life - yeah - the "about to marry" (ATM) folks.
And then it doesn't matter whether you know whom you are getting married to or whether you know who you cannot get married to - there is the realization of the inevitable - you know you are gonna get married by "next year".
This twilight zone of your life make you go through a surge of emotions and hence I feel that this state merits its own category. If you are committed - you know to whom that one phone call of the day will be directed to (incase you are doing the long distance thing - btw people having their bf/gf locally are eliminated from this survey -you are already on the other side of the fence guys). If you are single you hope that one of these days (in a conference or during a journey or in the bar or in the coffee shop) you meet that special person ...otherwise your parents will do the needful ...
I feel the ATMs (of all kind) are increasing by the day - probably because its a stage where you have benefits of either stages of your life. There is this carefreeness and independence and to a certain extent you do have a sense of direction as far as your personal life is concerned. It is like having rights but no responsibilities ...It is blissful - though the bliss can sometimes be marred by a sudden marriage invitation of your childhood friend in your inbox or worse still a devastating announcement by another childhood friend - "We are having a baby"! - What - so soon?
...and you know the eventuality (and with all honesty you look forward to it - coz it has its own perks) - however since every stage in life deserves some inertia - so does this ...I mean, when in your life could you afford sudden trips to Vegas, dropping drunk outside a bar, having a girl's (guy's) night out, weekends in office, coffee at 12 midnight or guiltless flirting with a stranger ...
And then it doesn't matter whether you know whom you are getting married to or whether you know who you cannot get married to - there is the realization of the inevitable - you know you are gonna get married by "next year".
This twilight zone of your life make you go through a surge of emotions and hence I feel that this state merits its own category. If you are committed - you know to whom that one phone call of the day will be directed to (incase you are doing the long distance thing - btw people having their bf/gf locally are eliminated from this survey -you are already on the other side of the fence guys). If you are single you hope that one of these days (in a conference or during a journey or in the bar or in the coffee shop) you meet that special person ...otherwise your parents will do the needful ...
I feel the ATMs (of all kind) are increasing by the day - probably because its a stage where you have benefits of either stages of your life. There is this carefreeness and independence and to a certain extent you do have a sense of direction as far as your personal life is concerned. It is like having rights but no responsibilities ...It is blissful - though the bliss can sometimes be marred by a sudden marriage invitation of your childhood friend in your inbox or worse still a devastating announcement by another childhood friend - "We are having a baby"! - What - so soon?
...and you know the eventuality (and with all honesty you look forward to it - coz it has its own perks) - however since every stage in life deserves some inertia - so does this ...I mean, when in your life could you afford sudden trips to Vegas, dropping drunk outside a bar, having a girl's (guy's) night out, weekends in office, coffee at 12 midnight or guiltless flirting with a stranger ...
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Who mixed my colors ?
Growing up, I always hated the idea of being hated. Equations in life were simple - if people hate you then they are probably someone to be wary of and if they don't they are your friends...Over the years - some cynicism has crept in ... instead of feelings of love and hate (which are absolute), feelings relative to my expectations have started making me wary of people or liking them. In my recent conversation with a friend - I had said that unsolicited affection can be more dangerous than unsolicited hatred. It was a thought that stayed with me. Why would anyone not like someone liking them. Is it because we have learnt from our experiences that affection without any expectation is rare. And though everytime we meet great people who exhibit such qualities and our faith in our original innocent hypothesis starts increasing - something happens that makes us realize its naivete'.
My friend told that she refused to give lift to a woman who was wearing torn clothes. Later her husband gave her lift and he found that her son was in dire need of some oxygen cylinder and she was too poor to afford it. My friend felt bad for not trusting her when it was her turn - but can she use this incident to give lift to a next person in torn clothes? Isn't it difficult to keep up with the idea of an ideal world - especially when you know that that one wrong person, that one wrong incident, that one drop of guard might ruin the rest of your life (or end it)...
Why is the world no longer black or white? why is it grey ..with varied shades...how do I keep up?
My friend told that she refused to give lift to a woman who was wearing torn clothes. Later her husband gave her lift and he found that her son was in dire need of some oxygen cylinder and she was too poor to afford it. My friend felt bad for not trusting her when it was her turn - but can she use this incident to give lift to a next person in torn clothes? Isn't it difficult to keep up with the idea of an ideal world - especially when you know that that one wrong person, that one wrong incident, that one drop of guard might ruin the rest of your life (or end it)...
Why is the world no longer black or white? why is it grey ..with varied shades...how do I keep up?
Thursday, February 15, 2007
The need ...
The need to love, the need to be loved, the need to trust, the need to justify, the need to feel secure, the need to protect, the need to be fair, the need to avenge, the need to lead, the need to be guided, the need to be cared, the need to parent ...
Do we keep passing on the favors ?
Do we keep passing on the favors ?
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Taming the ghost (literally)...
Ok honest -how many of us were scared of ghosts as a kid ? and how many of us really are till date...?
I was really scared of ghosts as a kid. You know those white semi-transparent things that you saw in the movies.. I remembered one incident when I mistook an old man dressed in all-white early morning as a ghost (inspite of him being fairly opaque) and totally taken aghast at this sudden face to face encounter I started screaming non-stop very loudly at him...the old man was later heard complaining of a chest pain ...
More recently the movies like "The Ring" and "The Grudge" in IIT kanpur lab scared me and the ring girl coming out the TV haunted me again and again ...
Even till late in US (one of my side theories is that since christians are buried instead of being burnt the chances of person turning into ghost is higher - I guess I took the term "rising from the grave" too literally) and I was scared of ghosts so much that I used to sleep with lights on till last year...However gradually the ghosts in the waking life started taking precedence and I started sleeping with the lights off...
Until a few days ago ... I had a dream that there is a ghost in the apartment and the horror was so much that I woke up and I thought I heard something ...and in that semi-concious state I could also hear my heart pounding faster and faster ...and then I came back in my 100% consciousness and found myself wide awake but dead scared.
And then I thought what if there indeed is a ghost out here and he/she/it turns up and in that sleepy and tired state I didnt have the energy to even scream- I thought I will make the ghost sit and talk about my problems in life - my car got a scratch, my water heater is leaking, my apartment is not clean, my code is not working and blah blah blah ...suddenly I felt that the ghost (or the fear of it) was gone...
I realized that though I couldn't get over my belief that ghosts exist I could however co-exist with them - I finally made my truce with that clan - afterall what will they get out of troubling a single girl...
I was really scared of ghosts as a kid. You know those white semi-transparent things that you saw in the movies.. I remembered one incident when I mistook an old man dressed in all-white early morning as a ghost (inspite of him being fairly opaque) and totally taken aghast at this sudden face to face encounter I started screaming non-stop very loudly at him...the old man was later heard complaining of a chest pain ...
More recently the movies like "The Ring" and "The Grudge" in IIT kanpur lab scared me and the ring girl coming out the TV haunted me again and again ...
Even till late in US (one of my side theories is that since christians are buried instead of being burnt the chances of person turning into ghost is higher - I guess I took the term "rising from the grave" too literally) and I was scared of ghosts so much that I used to sleep with lights on till last year...However gradually the ghosts in the waking life started taking precedence and I started sleeping with the lights off...
Until a few days ago ... I had a dream that there is a ghost in the apartment and the horror was so much that I woke up and I thought I heard something ...and in that semi-concious state I could also hear my heart pounding faster and faster ...and then I came back in my 100% consciousness and found myself wide awake but dead scared.
And then I thought what if there indeed is a ghost out here and he/she/it turns up and in that sleepy and tired state I didnt have the energy to even scream- I thought I will make the ghost sit and talk about my problems in life - my car got a scratch, my water heater is leaking, my apartment is not clean, my code is not working and blah blah blah ...suddenly I felt that the ghost (or the fear of it) was gone...
I realized that though I couldn't get over my belief that ghosts exist I could however co-exist with them - I finally made my truce with that clan - afterall what will they get out of troubling a single girl...
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