Kubrickism Part 3: Sound design and other elements

2. Sound  design to manipulate emotions:

Kubrick is one of the pioneers in sound design from which lots of post modern cinema like of Tarentino’s takes inspiration from.  He not only made intelligent use of digetic sound to convey various meanings but also very interesting used non-digetic sound and pioneered the use of music.

1. Use of digetic sound:  Kubrick picked and chose the relevant digetic sounds to highlight the narrative. I mentioned above in case of showing the expanse and material of the architecture how he cleverly used the sound design in The Shining. In other places he used it to create mood – like the suicide of Bomer Pyle in Full Metal Jacket where one hear a periodic metallic sound, the sound of shields cutting the air in Spartacus. Infact the tune of the songs sung by the prisoners in Full Metal Jacket resonated in my ears for the following two days, such was the impact of the song without music and sung in the same tune.

In Spartacus, in the battle scene, the cuts are around the sound of trumpet and the drums.  Something like this is later seen in Lord of the Rings.

In 2001 A space Odyssey, he used the sound of the astronaut breathing inside the helmet to highlight the point of him being suffocated to death later when the tube of oxygen supply tune is broken. Note that the sound effect contains no sound except him breathing. Similarly in Full Metal Jacket when the men are charging towards the sniper, the sound is only of their footsteps, all the ambience sound was brought down to zero. Another example is in Clockwork Orange where we hear the sound of the cat lady hitting Alex but not Alex hitting the cat lady.

2. Use of non-digetic sound effects: In Paths of Glory, one noticed the sound of Lion’s roar when the hero walks in through the trench, and the sound of military march when the General walks in, the scary piano keys in Eyes Wide Shut when Tom Cruise is caught during the orgy scene and is in the verge of being caught later. The sound design of the shining leading to a high point and then cutting to a slide showing Tuesday, not giving a moment of relief.

3. Pioneering use of music: In later movies, Kubrick increasingly became mood centric rather than plot centric. He felt that a movie should be succession of mood and minimized the use of dialogues for it to have more universal appeal. He started believing that movie is more a medium of visual story-telling and less dialogue based.  In here I will point out two unparalled use of sound till that date.  

The first is in ClockWork Orange where he manipulates us to see violence from Alex point of you. Since it is an enjoyable experience for him, it should be an enjoyable experience for us too. So the violence happens in slow-motion with music going on in the background. Ofcourse lots of people have now taken inspiration from it but this was the first time something like this was done. Using almost contrasting soothing music to show violence.

The second is in 2001 A Space Odyssey where the space ships were shown. Lots of Hollywood flicks shows it zooming right across but no one celebrates it with music, the way Kubrick does. The spaceship experience with that music feels like a mundane experience.

3. Language and accent as product of the environment and narrative device

In every Kubrick’s movie, the language/accent with which the characters spoke was product of the environment they were in. It lent itself to the authenticity of the characters. Following are the examples:

1. Full metal jacket – the abusive, firm language of the instructor
2. Clockwork orange – the invented language of Alex and his gang
3. 2001, A Space Odyssey   - The precise Brit accent of HAL computer
4. Lolita – Humbert was from European (Paris) and from his accent itself he was different from the Americans. It gave him a distinct characteristic and set him apart from everyone else.

4. Accuracy of details

Accuracy of small details helped in building up the reliability. As mentioned earlier Kubrick nursed ideas for long periods. Right from the various elements put in the military packet in Dr. Strangelove,  food in 2001 A Space Odessey, pieces of brains being blown out in Full Metal Jacket . His attention and thoughts given to every detail was exemplary.  Because of this, his story telling was more realistic, and less stereotype.

The attention was not just limited to the production design element but also gestures like Humbert applying nail polish on the foot of Lolita after placing cotton to separate the fingers. These new images that we saw were the ones that stayed with us long after the movie was seen. These details added the repeatability of the movie.

His characters were nuanced, none completely black and completely white. A little unpredictable.

Even at the script level, there were layers talking about various things, like violence as integral part of infantile nature of man in Clockwork Orange, the history of violence (esp against Red Indians) in The Shining, having a tender love for the person whom you are betraying in Eyes Wide Shut. These details did not exhaust the movie in the first viewing. Every viewing infact provided something new. Also we knew that apart from the entertainment the movie provided, there were treasures tucked in the movie which kept bringing us back to the movie.

This gave his movie his unique fingerprint and repeatability and an aftertaste that lingered on.

5. Use of colors:  Every color has a psychological impact on us. It is difficult to state but is certainly felt. The colors like bright red unsettles us and the colors like blue gives us some calmness. Kubrick plays a lot with those colors and their use is clearly seen in all his movies.  I particularly like The Shining where he used warm red tones and well-lighted corridors. A departure from lots of horror movies where the ghosts are found in the dark. In lot of places he used warm and cold lights together in the same frame – e.g. bathroom scene of eyes wide shut.  

Kubrick used a narrator in most of his movies, in Clockwork Orange, it was Alex himself and in some like Barry Lyndon it was a third narrator. There are various other features of Kubrick’s work like use of bold shots – he never did anything small, great casting (The Shining is a good example), and maintaining a narrative tension – in none of his movies at no point one felt that there is nothing to be discovered.
Some might debate that Kubrick’s movies though flawless left them cold, really didn’t move them emotionally.  Kubrick really never gave a happy chocolate ending, except for Paths of Glory where the soldiers hummed to the tune. Lot many times he left audience with an unsettled feeling. For me “Eyes Wide Shut” had the most disappointing ending in that Nicole Kidman says “Fuck”. Interestingly, this movie was released after Kubrick’s death and that remains the last word we heard from him.

Francois Truffaut - my inspiration and my essay on him

Francois Truffaut was a film critic and director with his directorial career spanning from 1954-1983. He was one of the torch-bearers of French New Wave. He derived his film making styles from the Italian neo-realism but he used the neo-realist techniques to film personal stories and stories about human relationships.
I feel that the most significant characteristic of Truffaut films was the way he captured moments. The moments could be of male bonding, or a couple who are experiencing rumbling of first love, or of children enjoying a puppet show. Truffaut himself believed that the beauty of final film lies not in amount of work done on set or the money spent but lies in the chemistry achieved between the actors. And most of his scenes brimmed with tender moments of chemistry between the key artists.
In this article, I attempt to find out the various elements that Truffaut put in to achieve that chemistry. Since Truffaut’s movies are a personal work of art, discussions about his films will also include Truffaut himself.
When we enter a group of people having conversation at a party, it takes us a few minutes to settle and get an idea of what they are talking about. Initially we feel that we are invading someone’s privacy. But gradually we get to know their complex characters. This is how Truffaut treats his audience when he is filming scenes between people. We feel like voyeurs initially and then we become part of the characters. A lot of this can be seen in Jules And Jim when all three character are there together and also Two English Women when the girls sandwich the boy and do see-saw.

Every scene of Truffaut is rich and multi-dimensional. This is because in every scene he not only brought in one element but multiple elements. His motto was to construct a scene around multiple ideas. This made the scene more interesting. Truffaut collected ideas. In the sense that he collected newspapers cuttings and kept them in a film. He was so meticulous in the study of his films that he maintained files of films and directors. He used the things he liked within various scenes. For example – Soft Skin is inspired from a newspaper cutting. Various characters in his movies were modeled around interesting people he met or himself or childhood friend. This made foundation of the characters very strong.
Earlier films of Truffaut like 400 films, Les Minstons were essentially autobiographical and hence felt extremely honest as there were no holes left out in their telling. For developing the scripts he deliberately chose writers (As he didn’t want them to be total autobiographical). His writers were mostly the people who had deep understanding of the theme being dealt with and he refused to take industry script writers. Taking authors well-versed with the  subject insures the movie from any false representation of reality.
Truffaut was a great admirer of form. Though he employed lots of existing film making techniques, he never invented one. He was not keen on it. He delved more on the emotions. The emotions used in his movies were universal since the relationships he created on the screen were universal and honest. He dealt with everyday relationships of child and his parents and teachers and of man and woman that stimulated reflections in relationships that affect us. That is the reason why Truffaut’s movies stay with us as they make us think about our own life stories.

Truffaut believed in building real characters and his characterization formed a very strong base in all his movies. Even when there were large number of characters, like in “Day for Night”. He gave each of them a clear role and clear motivation - like the assistant producer’s wife who waits for him and eventually shouts at everyone for having affairs. Truffaut laid a huge stress on working with actors. He devised ways (like scriptless acting for Antonio in the psychiatrist scene of 400 blows) or giving physical movement to the characters. Infact Truffaut felt that an actor is good and comfortable when he is given physical movements and his movies are replete with characters going from one place to another. He felt that when there is movement then the audience is engaged. Truffaut was wary of audience getting bored (he would feel discomforted if the audience got bored in other people’s movies also). Also movement symbolized harmony and things moving. Characters moving from one place to another especially in the open space gave lots of space and fluidity to his movies.

Truffaut’s movies have lyrical quality to them. They have a mix of happiness and lingering sadness. The happiness is never felt in extreme and very rarely we see a character have a hearty laugh that seems long lasting. Even the humour in his movies are suttle. This is seen in all his movies right from 400 blows to Jules and Jim to Stolen Kisses. Truffaut effectively uses music to create that haunting mood of sadness. Sadness seems more permanent in life than happiness.

Truffaut had said very beautifully: “Happiness is hard to recount. It is used up before one has perceived it”. In all his movies the principal characters are looking for happiness but never get it permanently. Infact no moment in life is permanent. This is best shown in the movie Stolen Kisses were the character Antonio keeps going from one job to another, one relationship to other – back and forth. He says a dichotomy exists between provisional and permanence and they never seem to co-exist in life. And almost all of the movies of Truffaut I have seen, there is none that has a “happily everafter” ending. Life is unstable. Death is stable, permanent.
Truffaut, maybe because he saw death of his grandmother with whom he lived till the age of 10 in his childhood, feels death as an integral part of life. Death is integral to all his stories. Sometimes like in Jules and Jim, Soft Skin, Two English Women, they come as solution or salvation of the characters. Death seemed to be part of most of his scripts but he almost all the time avoided the gory violence and blood.

Truffaut used lots of motifs across his movie like fire (400 blows, Farenheit 451), caresses, sudden and unexpected slaps, protagonist looking through or talking through a window, women legs (As discussed earlier) and the character in the movie enjoying watching cinema in theatre.  Truffaut struggled a lot with the endings of his movies and considered them to be the most challenging part during the writing. Several of his films are characterized by sudden endings.

Truffaut and childhood: Truffaut didn’t have a normal childhood. He felt that adolescence should be compensated for with the things that were not present in the childhood. He craved to be part of a family, he craved to remain innocent, vulnerable, child-like. Infact in all his auto-biographical movies he has strived for the above things. He has shown that character always looking for an anchor and struggling against a authority.

Truffaut and women: In his various movies, his women are identical regardless of the character they play. He doesn’t even spare the character of a mother who is shown perceived as being sensuous by her child (400 blows). Infact Truffaut claims that relationship of a man with woman is same as relationship of a man with his mother. Women for Truffaut are headstrong individuals around whom the life revolves. The women are both angelic and selfish. They repel and attract simultaneously. The best illustration is in Stolen Kisses where the shoe owner’s wife looks angelic and unattainable initially and later on she is degraded to someone offering herself to Antonio. All the women are shown having both these elements in varying proportions. The women are like river, cannot be controlled. But most of the times they are shown directionless with no clear intent. Right from Jean Morreau’s character in Jules and Jim to the two sisters in “Two English Girls”, the women are shown fickle when it comes to choosing their object of affection. Loyalty is a virtue that does not rest in women.
At the same time, Truffaut didn’t see loyalty as a virtue. He never upheld it or advocated for it. However, he always showed that disloyalty or moral confusions lead to doom, not because of the moral dilemmas involved but because of the emotional entanglement they lead to.
The underlying theme with women in all Truffaut’s movie was the compelling need to love but much above it, the compelling need to be loved.
Truffaut was fascinated by women.  Since he felt that the world circled around women and so did his characters and movies. However, he could never fathom women and most of his movies deal with the male protagonist fumbling in their understanding of love and even understanding of women. “Are women magic?” – most of his characters would ask. He didn’t see any permanence in any relationship with women (though he has shown lots of permanence in male bonding) and if any relationship did culminate into marriage, Truffaut has shown boredom and later adultery seeping into the marriage.
Nonetheless, Truffaut has shown beautiful love making scenes. Love for him meant passion. A feeling that makes a man totally lose control. This also means that these intense moments are temporary but their temporariness makes one enliven it even more rather than refute it. The love making scenes that are shown are beautifully choreographed, replete with caressing of face with hands. Truffaut considered women’s legs as the most beautiful part of her body. Like in “Man who Loved a Woman” , Morane says that “The legs of women are points of compass that bestride the terrestrial globe in all directions, giving it its equilibrium and harmony”.
Truffaut picturizes his women with graceful smooth movements and provide them certain lightness, by making them float on a bicycle. He chose camera stylistics also accordingly to give them a fleeting angelic movement.

Truffaut lived and breathed cinema. He felt that he grew through the movies he made. At the same time his movies were huge expression of himself. Truffaut and his movies hence are an integral part of eachother.

Martin Scorsese - my essay on his early influences and stylistics

"I can't really envision a time when I'm not shooting something."
- Martin Scorsese 

Martin Scorsese is one of the most exciting and entertaining directors of Hollywood films. His intricate scenes, documentary like but yet stylized and personalized and various techniques used to communicate the psyche of the individual are some of the things that set him apart.
Early Days
"I grew up within Italian-American neighborhoods, everybody was coming into the house all the time, kids running around, that sort of stuff, so when I finally got into my own area, so to speak, to make films, I still carried on. " - Martin Scorsese

Being an Asthama patient, Scorsese was left indoors most of the time. This led him to do two things:
1) Watch movies in theatre
2) Observe people from his home from an unstable Italian neighbourhood.

He was also part of various social gatherings happening around his house and we can see that in every movie, the social gatherings- the food, the people attending them are very elaborately shot. Scorsese wanted to be a priest before he wanted to be a director but decided to not be one. We can see the presence of the church as an integral part in most of his movies. 
Sacred and sinful images co-exist even blend together in his movies. 


Cinematic Influences during growing up years (Western classics):
Scorsese has inspiring enthusiasm and his love for films started early. At the age of 8 he got himself an 8 mm camera and made a movie with his friends (see pic attached of the credits). Doing this enabled him to watch movies, more as a student than as a mere audience. At the age of 14-15 he became aware of the vision behind the camera. It is interesting to see how some of the Western films watched during childhood and certain aspects of these films find their way in Scorsese's future work. A list of the films and Scorsese's learnings from those films is enlisted below.

1) Duel in the sun - He got excited by the visuals and music in the film. A few techniques used like dissolves to the sun can be seen in his later films most notably Age of Innocence.
2) Land of the Pharoah - This was a movie about the death and he got enchanted by the idea of a story that leads to doom of people.
3) East of Eden - He liked the acting of James Dean and felt like this is how real characters talk. In most of his films, dialogues are mostly conversational almost as if we are evesdropping into those characters life just like in East of Eden. 
4) Citizen Kane - This movie made him aware of what goes behind the camera as he noticed the change in camera angles, use of deep focus, use of sound track, overlapping dialogue and various technical tricks
5) Tales of Hoffman - This movie made him aware of the use of music. The movie had a  sword fight without any digetic sound effects but only music. He used this technique a lot ( for example in  GoodFellas when Robert De Niro is sizing up pple in the bar or during the sequence of deadbodies being uncovered)
6) Public Enemy - This movie influenced his style of using music the most. This movie had a sequence when the protagonist's brother starts playing music for the arrival of the brother. Instead of the brother his deadbody arrived. This made an ironic comment on the situation. Scorsese observed that in his neighbourhood too, there could be music playing at a pizza parlour and some guy is getting roughed up. So this seemed more natural way of using music to him.
7) The searches - Scorsese went with his friends to watch this movie where John Wayne played a negative character. He and his friends identified with him inspite of being angry with him. To Scorsese, he felt like a real character - more fallible. He saw the picture again and again and found more meaning and more levels.

World Cinema Influences
1) Eisenstein : The idea of juxaposition of images, to create a new meaning and the idea of the audience synthesizing the movie fascinated Scorsese. For example in the movie Taxi Driver, the scene where Robert De Niro is adding some powder to a glass of water and tiny bubbles are  being formed, or the series of montages in the movie Kundun, where we see the shot selection to be based on the memory of a young boy.

2) Italian Neorealism : Use of real locations and breaking the boudaries of the studio, documentary like but intensely personalized film making has been prominent features of all Scorsese's movies.

3) Fellini's 8 1/2: A film about artistic dillemas - was the singlemost remarkable movie for Scorsese. The scenes had a dream like, floating quality to them that stayed with Scorsese. In 8 1/2 the camera is always in motion and the images are always fluid, almost pouring into one one another. To Scorsese, the shots seemed natural and integral to the movie, looking immensely simple on screen but were extremly difficult to execute. Fellini's relationship with women - who are elusive, and uncontrollable resonated with Scorsese's idea of women. Scorsese was deeply affected by this brutally personal film by Fellini.

4) Jules and Jim: Truffaut's Jules and Jim had an opening shot that directly dives into the core of the movie. Scorsese was impressed by this approach of getting right into the subject without dilly dallying and employed this techniques in the majority of his movies. Jules and Jim also used freeze frame to underline a point about the character and Scorsese used that a lot in GoodFellas to underline the key moments of growing up years of the protagonist.

Stylistics
1) Opening Mise-en-scene:
The first scene of every movie by Scorsese inevitably fulfils the following two purpose:
 a) Sets the mood of the movie
 b) Tells us what the movie is going to be about.
For example - the opening long take of Raging Bull, has Jack La Motta standing in the ring to fight. We instantly know that the movie is about boxing. That shot is also slow, lyrical, so we know that the movie will deal with poignant side of the boxer's life also.
Another example is Last Temptation of Christ: It starts with a voice over of Christ being tormented and the images of him struggling alone with this thought and struggling physically on the floor. We know that the movie will be about the struggle of Jesus trapped inside a human body and mind.
Some other examples: Age of Innocence- Flowers made up of fabric in the backdrop of handwritten words (with changing font colors) and the accompanying music, Casino- Blowing up of the car, GoodFellas- Killing a half dead person kept in the rear of the car etc.


2) Characters:
The characters of Scorsese films are real. We can see glimpses of Scorsese's personality and growing up influences in his characterisation.The characters are lovable, real and talkative. There is an inherent dichotomy that exists in all his protagonists that make us debate whether what they are doing is right or wrong and in the end we feel that what they are doing is natural and probably we could be doing that in that situation. For example his protagonists in Departed(questions about loyalty) , GoodFellas (decision to sell drugs), Casino (Robert De Niro's marrying Sharon Stone). There is no celebration of heroism but celebration of realism in his movies. Even in "Last Temptation of Christ", Jesus is a real person throughout the movie. 

Scorsese uses voiceover to dwell deep onto the psyche of the characters and tries to strike a fine balance between the motivation of character defined by the plot and the motivations defined by the characterisation itself. There is a sequence in GoodFellas, where the protagonist is being followed by helicopter and he is eluding that and trying to avoid being caught. At the same time he is cooking family dinner and is worried about the sauce being stirred and sticking the bottom of the pan. Sequences like these makes the character more real and identfiable.


3) Camera Movement:
The camera movement of Scorsese's movies are mostly fluid and consist of a good amount of long takes (even though he is doesn't shy away from cuts and uses them when appropriate). The camera is used a lot for showing point of view and becomes a personality of its own. For example usage of point of view for introduction of other gang members in a party. Scorsese is brilliant in picturizing large disorganised social gatherings with a long take and brings his camera right in the middle on the gathering as if we are part of it and satisfies our natural instincts of looking at the food, eves dropping into an intersting conversation. Choregraphing and shooting that situation is a remarkable quality.

There is a lyrical quality to his long takes and are almost like brilliant brush strokes. The most memorable shots are the first party sequence in Age of Innocence where the camera goes around revealing the paintings in the room and introducing the character. It slows down on the characters being talked about. Again, introduction of Sharon Stone and Robert De Niro's reaction to her has camera being a conspicuous character in the context of the scene. 
Also Scorsese combines lots of track in and zoom in to underline the emotion/tension in the scene (After Hours, Last Temptation of Christ, Cape Fear), he uses lots of long takes with steadycams to maintain the flow of the scene for example in second date (long take sequence) in the restaurant of GoodFellas. 
As music is inherent part of Scorsese's movies, some of his camera movements are planned according to the background tract that would be playing (example - in GoodFellas (finding of the dead bodies) - the sound track was playing during principle photography as well so that camera movement could be planned accordingly).

  
4) Editing pattern:
Scorsese in lots of movies uses parallel sequences so that the words spoken accompany the images (example Departed sequence - Dicaprio's confession to the psychatrist "you heart rate wis jacked"), his one scene flows into other and for this he uses lots of sound bridges. One of the most brilliant of these is in Casino, when Sharon Stone gets married and the visuals of marriage sequence is juxtaposed with te conversation of Sharon Stone and her boyfriend on phone immediately after marriage.
In Age of Innocence, there are lots of dissolves to various colors - red, magenta - to associate the thought of the lover with certain color. There are lots of editing experiments in Scorsese's movie (like disssolve within a shot).

5) Use of Music:
Scorsese is a connoiseaur of music. His various scenes are rich in music. Most of the music is not the original sound track but are tracks from vaious albums that could be playing around the time the events in the movies are happening. The songs make a comment on the scene, mostly ironic (as mentioned in Earlier Cinematic Influences) but sometimes emphasize the mood of the movie (baby baby track in casino). He uses music to create the mood of the film (Last Temptation of Christ) and also to establish the movie in a certain space and time and sets its social context. The music connects to the psychology of the character it is played on.  


6) Overall Mise-en-scene construction: 
Scorsese works hard on mise-en-construction - shot division, story boarding, choice of colors in the frame, angle of shot, relative height of characters, choice of music and editing pattern etc. His mise-en-scenes ar consistent with the look of the film too. Example in Last Temptation of Christ, he chose earthy palette - brown was the predominant color throughout. Even the clothes were muddy are black, grey or brown, there were no trees shown inspite all the shots being outdoors. 
For his gangster movies his mise-en-scenes are generally intricate and provide the social fabric on which the film is resting. The shots are mostly midshotsto tell that the people live in a crowded environment with no personal space.
For Taxi Driver, to show the world seen by Robest De Niro (protagonist) feels like an outsider observing the world. The blurriness of streets (point of view of Travis) is underlines by the blurry, skewed thoughts of Travis. His lonliness is underlined even when he is with his friends and the fireds occupy one side of the table and he alone is on another side of the table. Scorsese managed to create a dream like quality. The most impressive is "you talking to me sequence" with jump cuts. The last shoot out scene is graphic but also dream like. 

What is the Best way of conducting an actor's workshop ?

I really don't know. Any tips would be useful.

My current understanding:
- Have a few readings with the entire cast together.
- Tell the actors that these characters are real people. Don't use them to get ahead in their life. The characters own you.
- Give them character sketches, background. Let each of them work on the character - comeup with their own version of character sketch, mannerism, outfits (this industry is anyways filled with really dumb costume designers). This I thought was very important. I should let them tell me how the character will talk etc.
- Have workshops where the existing script friends are made to do stuff together - go for trek together so that their warmth and chemistry comes out naturally. Show movies with exemplary acting. Fuel their ambition.
- Have workshops with every scene and stake holders of the scene - where you discuss the text and subtext of dialogues, mannerism.
- Have scene wise rehearsals.

We actually need the actors for 2-3 months to conduct this kind of workshop. That is why I prefer non-established actors. Established actors don't have time. They feel they can do it better without rehearsals - spontaneity kharaab ho jayegi. Spontaneity should be seen on screen, but it is mostly used as an excuse for slacking. Unprepared actors just bring no depth to performance - spontaneous or not spontaneous.

I need to brainstorm the structure of acting workshop more. Have a better time table and have another conductor besides me. Coz I know if I have nailed the casting and the acting. I have nailed this film.

160 pages

Done. Breathe in. Breathe out. Yup.

Now remove 40 pages out of it. End of inspiration phase. Begin of perspiration phase.

P.S: There is an great high in doing page down page down on the 160 pages of the script one has written. Maybe code writers would understand what I mean.

Thanks to my co-writer for some wonderfully crafted character sketches. They are so well-written - they should be published. Quoting an excerpt of one of the character-sketches:

"While they grew up, they knew they were natural leaders. People noticed a light in their eyes, noticed them when they entered any room. They come into the world finished and carved statues, and all the world has to do is blow off the marble-dust off them. "

Throat infection for last 5 days

Still too bored to visit the doctor. haven't been to gym the whole week. Wrote just 6 pages. (btw we are just 6 pages away from our first draft of polished finished script)

Plus have been absent-minded a bit. Yest we were going out for dinner and I accidentally locked my husband inside the house and was waiting for him near the gate. Later Saurabh came out saying "Tu kaise mereko lock kar dee ghar per". Oops.

Biggest learning of the week - yes - string theory - crash courses are no substitute for reading all those books and listening to all those lectures on 11 dimensions (i listen to some though) but it was good to get it from Saurabh. One gets a better perspective of life. Also at somepoint because I am writing the last few scenes of my film - having that perspective aids the movie a lot.  It helps me give a good aftertaste.

Another big learning of the week - a japanese psycho movie Confessions. I bow to the director, cinematographer, art director and the editor. It will be ages before I can give a treatment like that to any film. The great first 30 mins I have seen  of any film and the scene was inside a classroom. Imagine 30 mins scene inside a classroom and you are still getting one visual delight after another. Hats off.  Warning: don't see it's trailer. It's the worst giveaway trailer ever. Saurabh saw it and now I hope he still likes the film.

Another emotional moment - was seeing the birthday video. I saw in the long video that I was cutting the cake and giving it to my friends. Throughout the video far away in the background, behind the crowd of people (because of lighting or bright yellow t-shirt) I saw my husband standing and looking at me... He was smiling with my every smile - not once looking away.
In between he asked me: "Kaunsa cake hai". He was too far away to see the cake or make himself heard. Hmm :'(

Entering a new decade

Turned 30 today. And I feel like a woman :).

Nice one

http://www.themillions.com/2011/03/zooming-out-how-writers-create-our-visual-grammar.html

Gulmohar was shown to a bunch of freshmen in WWI today. They received it well and asked the right set of questions. So felt good about my short film.
However one senior person was seeing my film later in the day and I felt a little nervous - infact quite nervous. I always think about Fareeda in those times. "We love you for what you are and not what your movies are." Maybe at some level all artists do become insecure about their work to certain people. I am not nervous when strangers see but really nervous when people I know see my film. Infact I look at their reaction from the corner of my eye.
Infact when i show my film to a stranger i feel as if I am showing them something external to me but when I show my movie to a known person I really feel I am baring my mind to them and exposing something really soft and fragile part of me which makes me wince. I don't know why I feel that way.

The Trade of Bollywood

I attended a talk by trade analyst(Komal Nahata) and he had some interesting info and heuristics to share mainly around the lines of film distribution.
The film once made by the "producers" has to be distributed by the "distributors" to various "exhibitors" (cinema owners).
The whole of India is divided into the following territories:
1) Bombay Territory: Parts of Maharashtra, Gujarat and Karnataka
2) Delhi UP
3) East Punjab (this I think also includes J&K and all the other northern states)
4) Eastern Territory - West Bengal, Orissa and the eastern states
5) CP Berar: part Maharashtra part MP
6) CI (central india): Rest of MP
7) Rajasthan
8) South: Nizam, Marathwada, Mysore, TN, Kerela, Andhra
9) Overseas : Further it has UK, US etc.

Also various things work for various territories:
North India - Action, Sunny Deol
East- Emotion
Maharashtra - Entertainment - comedy
South - Class cinema, Also musicals
Overseas - Romance, Indian values not action film (Also stars work in the order SRK, Amir, Akshay (UK's fav), Hrithik, Salman, Saif and Anil

Also it seems the target audience of a class movie is 30% (15% students, 15% upper multiplex going class).

Also one should know that when one talks about Gross collection of a film, he is talking about ticket counter sales. The Net collection of a film is Gross minus Entertainment Tax. And the Distributor share is Net minus exhibitor share.

----

He actually didn't mention about Distribution Fee which I had found from some of the distributors on my visit to Naaz (the distribution center of films). Sometimes when you are totally indie- new actors, no production house backing, the distributor charge you a 15% fee for distributing and if the movie makes money (it is rare for movies distributed such ways to make money) then the profit goes directly to you. In India actually it is mandatory to have atleast one theatrical release before the movie can be sold to various satellites. I think this rule might just have been to put a check on the threat that theatres can become an optional medium if not protected.
I also feel that with ticket costs being so high, the audience also looks for risk minimization when they goto see a film. Hence though the distributors think that increasing money of ticket might lead to more money in their pocket, it also sets a vicious circle. To lure a happy layman to pay the high ticket cost, one needs to advertise the movie more and hence it leads to increased publicity cost. Also it puts a pressure on star system where stars provide a certain brand to the film and guarantee a certain turnout. And hence now the stars start charging a premium. In any industry, the person who has control over the bottleneck issue will always be paid a premium. Hence not the writers, or the directors (barring a few), but it's the actors who guarantee a certain amount of ticket sales and hence they are treated like humpty dumpties. Unfortunately, everybody feels we could have done better than to land in such a situation. I really hope that with the advent of technology, this whole thing is revised, and there is always a pipeline for indie filmmakers to have their film out there and share it with people.
The day film making becomes as easy and ubiquitous as writing, painting (i know a lot of people worry about quality control ("cheap film means bad films") - I don't) - I will throw a separate party to everyone who could attend. And it is good to know we are getting there.

Information Asymmetry

Yesterday I met a really distant cousin (along with a close cousin) when I was out shopping with my m-in-law.
The distant cousin was an IAS aspirant has given 2 attempts already. I really had good appreciation for him - but after a while I started sensing a sort of irreverence with my choice of profession. He was like "your study is not really study" and "your work is not really work." He actually thought I took an early retirement because of burn out.
It's always with everyone - all my relatives have to mention iit kanpur-microsoft thing before talking about the fact that i am a film maker. That's why my hats off to Udai singh or other "boys" who take the switch because the "relatives" of our societies will never spare a non-earning man.
Well in my attempt to give my cousin a befitting reply, I told them that if one enjoys what one learns and does - it never seems work. But it was a smart reply not a convincing one. Also when I told them that film making requires a good study of psychology of people, a philosophical stand and keen observation of day to day life - they seemed even less amused.
What psychology and philosophy do you study? What books do you really read? Will you make a art movie ?
And after a point, I really stopped arguing with them because they were not open to listen - as compared to some of my friends who showed super keenness in understanding how a movie is made, how edit points are chosen etc etc.
One never questions the work of a software engineer. Or effectiveness of a general physician. Not everyone can be one. But people at large assume that one can anyday choose to be a painter, guitarist, writer (everybody in this world thinks they can be a writer) or a moviemaker.

But how much can I blame them myself? One of the things that the film school did to me was provide me a correction of my own sense of capabilities. I joined thinking that I will make the best movies ever made. Now I know the gap I had to cover, the nuances I needed to capture and inspite that unpredictability of the outcome of one's work is something I have to live with. Hard work and intelligence both are not enough to make a good film..The truth is to do sustainable well in any profession one needs to be disciplined, work hard and needs to be humble enough to want to learn from others.

Every person thinks that he/she can replicate a work of art and not just replicate but always improve. Basically there is no visible information asymmetry between an artist and a layman. And hence an artist can never be regarded higher than a doctor (who might be a really bad doctor - more harmful than the next door serial killer - but he is a doctor nevertheless).

And that's the truth we all have to accept at some point and generally smile when we meet our relatives.

My Cousin Vinny

Delhi gets a channel -Movies Now- and early this morning I and Saurabh (apart from gorging on aloo parathas carrot halwa) settled on watching My Cousin Vinny. I remember Paramesh in Seattle showed that film to me for the first time some 5-6 years ago and since then this movie has become one of my comfort movies. It never fails to bring a chuckle.

Some good ads coming on TV - i like the vodofone superman, the blackberry messenger esp the last long shot of the beds when the students are communicating and ofcourse the levis curve jeans ads.

Gone to delhi

Till Sun night. Will gorge on the street food. Unfortunately I think I am developing a throat infection plus a panic attack w.r.t my script.

Update: Yes I am gorging on food and yes I am relaxed w.r.t script. And yes I got a supercool hairstyle. And yes I forgot my toothbrush again!

What would you do ?

Read this on reddit today: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/fvk4o/a_customer_died_at_my_register_today_and_i_am/

Read the first reply and also one from pickoneforme.

And do see this - barcode for every movie: moviebarcode.tumblr.com

Boogie Nights script

http://www.imsdb.com/scripts/Boogie-Nights.html

Has some gems esp. when it comes to dialogues between two people.

Also was watching cricket and saw this vodafone 3G ad and totally loved it :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GFr_GSjYPI

Last week made the most exotic food i think I ever made

In our weekly grocery shopping at Nature's Basket we saw some salmon pieces. And we thought we could experiment and try making Salmon steak at home. We also got some asparagus (really cheap - 50 odd bucks for all that) and baby potatoes (and for some reason saurabh calls them sweet potatoes and confuses the hell out of everybody) and we made this dish as a team effort. Actually I wanted to make it with mash potatoes but we only had baby potatoes in my house.
I later realized that we were out of garlic and I had to borrow garlic from my neighbors and this is my only interaction with them in last 2 years.


So here are some pics of the food -Salmon Steak (with butter garlic dressing), roasted baby potatoes and stir fried asparagus:

Best use of extras

Wattsi shared this chinese vid. I think the chinese know how to make the best use of their extras:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfE0jgMUQrc

The struggles of making "just a student short film"

Yesterday found out through an sms that my diploma film got Express award for best film. It felt nice. It was not publicized much (and my friends always criticize me for not publicizing my stuff and doing bad networking and I guess both are extremely imp in this field!). But yes it is my first film festival win so thought of bookmarking it!

Anyways like lots of my classmates I should also have a good poster of my film and like a few of them have a facebook page with all the film festival selections of Uss Paar:



- River to River Florence Film Festival, Italy
- Kalpanirjhar film festival, Calcutta
- Article 19 - Won the BEST Short Film Award
- Bhubaneshwar International short film fest
- Xaverian Film Academy ( X.F.A )




These are all small fests - but it is always nice to start small - kinda sets a trajectory. But my first love my short fiction Reflections haven't gotten anywhere. It's sad coz I really think Reflections is my best work till date.

We had worked really very hard for Uss Paar. Infact after the shoot I realized that I was not able to walk normally and when I came back from outdoor and took off my shoes I saw my legs as below. (pls click for clearer view)



Here are some musings of the day of the shoot : http://atkifilm.blogspot.com/2010/04/pruduction-day-musings.html
And here are some musings of "some" of the hiccups before the shoot: http://atkifilm.blogspot.com/2010/04/diploma.html

Reading it refreshes a lot of memories. One was being(ironically) caught by a railway TT coz the ticket was in Dev's pocket and he had left for Goregaon. And I had to pay 500 bucks to bail myself out (And thank God I was carrying that much money - as again I am very bad with cash management). And yes that 4 am cold shower was just so shockingly awesome too.

Advancing on Chaos and Dark ...

"There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance, that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till.
The power which resides in him is new in nature and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried.....


But we half express ourselves and are ashamed of that divine idea that each of us represents."



-Ralph Waldo Emerson (from his essay Self-reliance)

50 greatest opening title sequence of all times

http://www.ifc.com/news/2011/02/the-50-greatest-opening-title.php?utm_source=twitter

Random thoughts ...importance of supporting actors in your films

Nothing compensates for a lack of good performance and nothing brings to table more than a good performance...

Perhaps perhaps perhaps

So I have songs from various countries in my music player and I love putting them in various bins - depending on the mood they create. One of the songs that just stayed with me for a while is Quizas Quizas Quizas.

Probably because this song replays the melancholic images of "In the Mood for Love" for me. But also when I listen to it in my car - I imagine a really teasing dance between two people on a midnight french street. So I thought I should research a bit more about this song. And found out that it was sung by Nat King Cole in 1958 (here is the youtube link): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjVfiZM09YA

I also found out the song has a history. It is a 1947 song written by Cuban songwriter Osvaldo Farres. I have not been able to find the original video of the 1947 hit song.

But I found a delightfully slow version by Ibrahim Ferrer & Omara Portuondo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSEiyF64z3o

And as I was researching more - listening to various version of the songs - I really enjoyed the beauty and the personal touch Nat King Cole lent to the song. For comparison listen to this version and you would know the importance of a voice selection while composing a song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sjhjw6u5TqQ

Here is a verbatim translation of the spanish song for you
Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps"

I am always asking you
When, how and where
You always tell me
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

The days pass this way
And I am despairing
And you, you always answer
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

You are wasting time
Thinking, thinking
That which you want most
Until when? Until when?

The days pass this way
And I am despairing
And you, you always answer
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

You are wasting time
Thinking, thinking
That which you want most
Until when? Until when?

The days pass this way
And I am despairing
And you, you always answer
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

Though the truth is that one need not know the lyrics to enjoy the song.

The Social Network

Social Network was a good movie that came out in 2010. It is not like best of the best type of movies but as compared to other movies that came out from Hollywood last year it stands tall. Also it is one of the really well-received films.

What stands out about that movie is perfection. Perfection in script and execution. A 2.5 hours movie going at 1000 miles per hour. The experience of the craftsmen involved really showed.

After I saw the film, I read notes of the script writer and read the script and then I saw the film again. So I know the movie like the back of my hand. You also realize that everything that was mentioned in the first scene, drives the rest of the movie. It is more about "invisible" class difference and deals with the illusion of democracy that a capitalistic society sometimes exhibit. It has quite a little material about Facebook the site itself. An interesting point to note is that - Mark Zucerberg was a socio-path and Facebook is a socio-path's idea of the society.

Recently Zain posted the 93 minute making of the film. 93 min is a long time for the making of any film - but it is prob the first making that I saw that actually made you go through the process of rehearsals, selection of costume, look of characters. It was also a great way to understand the forces that operate when a group of people come together to make a film.

So here are some of the resources for "The Social Network" enthusiast:
The script:http://wiscreenwritersforum.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Social-Network-The-by-Aaron-Sorkin-May-28-2009.pdf

Aaron's (scriptwriter's) interview: http://www.wmagazine.com/celebrities/2010/10/facebook_film?currentPage=1

The making of Social Network: http://www.slashfilm.com/watch-social-network-movie-facebook-93minute-scenes-documentary/

Just a quote that I liked

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars." - Jack Kerouac

So I wonder

If people who deactivate their social networking accounts exhibit more suicidal tendencies than others. Atleast Saurabh worries so.

But well I deleted my twitter account. Here is a summary of the useful content of my old twitter account:

Some quotes:
"Those are not stars in the sky- those are your brain cells" - Biutiful.
"It is stunning how much we gather back after death. Effortlessly the
net pulls to shore what it needs." -Zain (from his story "Foreword")
"I'm aware what tremendous feats human beings are capable of once they
abandon dignity." - Hans Landa - Incredible Basterds
"Private behavior will be a relic of an era gone by" - The Social Network.
"Sometimes reason it matters to care passionately about something is that it whittles the world down to a more manageable size. " - Adaptation.
"Information underrepresents reality”
"There is always another death to die, beyond the death you know." - rumi
“The test of a work of art is, in the end, our affection for it, not
our ability to explain why it is good.” —Stanley Kubrick
"there is a certain deliciousness in the oblivion."
"When two rivers cross they borrow eachothers water."
"Sometimes talking is interference and sometimes not talking is interference"

Links of posters:
http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2011/02/vintage-posters/?pid=1391&viewall=true
http://englishrussia.com/index.php/2011/01/15/look-out-soviet-bloody-posters/
http://www.reelizer.com/
http://www.slate.com/id/2279923/pagenum/all/#p2
http://www.ferdyonfilms.com/?p=8013
http://observersroom.designobserver.com/rickpoynor/entry.html?entry=24218
Some good movie posters of 2010: http://mubi.com/notebook/posts/2708


Talks:
Are you a cyborg: http://bit.ly/ff1voN
www.harvardmagazine.com/commencement/the-fringe-benefits-failure-the-importance-imagination
Your brain on improv. An amazing look at creativity and the mind http://on.ted.com/8oVd #TEDxMidAtlantic
http://www.ted.com/talks/derek_sivers_keep_your_goals_to_yourself.html
why i never manage to lose those 10 kilos!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGt3-fxOvug&feature=player_embedded
john cleese on creativity and i agree 100%

Youtube vids:
Poem by the NRI lady: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9W1j5NCy9s&feature=player_embedded
Powers of 10 - to just get some perspective:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fKBhvDjuy0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gpn8MANhdLU Watch the beautiful
cinematic kisses at the end of the video. Also nice shots of
depression.
I guess this band is too smart to know that they need to act dumb to
be popular:http://bit.ly/dfbWts Too cool though esp the peepin old
man.
http://filmmakeriq.com/2010/11/a-seminar-with-steven-spielberg-from-1978/
Slomo videos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsdDyJJPDeA

Trivias:
Life etc: http://www.miltonglaser.com/pages/milton/essays/es3.html
Working with actors- point: 6,9,10 are good.
http://www.filmmakermagazine.com/issues/spring2002/features/inner_monologue.php
How Mike Leigh extracts such wonderful performance from his actors
-http://ind.pn/aseL2X
Good cab services in mumbai: http://www.olacabs.com/ Check their About
us :http://www.olacabs.com/info/about_us
241543903 - is the tag for all pics that people have taken while trying to insert their head in the freezer.
Good paper on how emotional responses are created by make-believe fiction: http://bit.ly/9lRgPz - "real is good but interesting is better"
"There is no co-relation between the strength of a given experience and the reality status of the object of experience."http://bit.ly/9lRgPz
Well dunno where I had my growth spurt: http://bit.ly/d1qS4u
http://www.sensesofcinema.com/2010/feature-articles/“films-are-vulgar-and-this-vulgarity-i-love-it”-an-interview-with-arnaud-desplechin/
http://www.dnaindia.com/entertainment/report_udaan-changed-his-life-forever-rajat-barmecha_1440506
-they misspelt my name but its ok i guess

Some of the links to the scripts I read and liked:
http://www.imsdb.com/scripts/Boogie-Nights.html
Social Network: http://bit.ly/aISsDI
various drafts and the shooting script of Udaan : http://bit.ly/dOUrKB
http://www.imsdb.com/scripts/Inglourious-Basterds.html


That was all the useful content that was there - rest was personal fluff and imaginary outings.
Will promise to keep the content in the bins above updated.


P.S:

Best tweet: My macbook runs computer se bhi tez :).

Best useful tweet: Save paper - print 4 script pages on one paper. Print on both sides and as left edged booklet. Added bonus- It is less spread out and more readable.

Spending time with Borges again after a long time ...

"I want to tear down the exceptional preeminence now generally awarded to self, and I pledge to be spurred on by concrete certainty, and not the caprice of an idealogical ambush or a dazzling intellectual prank. I propose to prove that personality is a mirage maintained by conceit and custom, without metaphysical foundation or visceral reality .. There is no whole self - any person who defines personal identity as a the private possession of some depository of memories is mistaken." - Borges.

Childhood Crush

Arati: Saurabh my childhood crush has moved to Mumbai!
Saurabh: Jaa mill kar aaa.


-----------
Arati in childhood version - pink dress, matching pink shoes with white socks, pink watch and a pink bow in her hair.
Knock knock.
A giant shirtless, large hairy-stomached, naturally balding guy opens the door.
Arati: Hey I am Arati. I came to meet you. You are my childhood crush.
Childhood Crush: Duh
Arati: {blink} {blink} {uncomfortable silence} {blink}
Arati: Here I got Amul fruit and nut chocolate for you. It's my favorite chocolate. I don't even share it with my brother until he starts crying. It's very tasty.
Childhood Crush: (taking the chocolate - looking at it) They still make it. Gee ....Thanks Arti.
Arati: (smiles) {blink} {blink}
Arati: Ok bye.
----------------
Back to disheveled hair, torn jeans, spot-ridden shirts and mismatched slippers with an half-dead cockroach stuck on one of its sole.

Arati: Saurabh mein apne childhood crush se mill kar aa gayee
Saurabh: Achcha ... Ab khaana khaa le.

Showreel

Trying to upload showreel to www.youtube.com/aratikadav.

Gulmohar (35 mm) 10 min film trailer feedback

Please scroll down and fill the questionnaire - it is not a public form so feel free to write what you want. Your identity will be protected. You can use fake names and email ids. Just give real feedback.

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Will you watch this film ?	Yes No
What are your expectations from the movie? What do you understand about the main character and his feelings? Describe.
Why will you watch this movie ? What do you think is the story of the film?
If the prev question is negative then why will you NOT make efforts to watch this movie?
What all did you not like about the trailer - fonts, pacing ?
What all did you like about the trailer ?
Did we just waste your time by asking redundant questions :) ?	Yes No
Still any Suggestions ? If you have seen the film - do you think the trailer does justice to it?
Email Address:
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Film Editing Resources

Kubrick was quoted as saying: "I love editing. I think I like it more than any other phase of film making. If I wanted to be frivolous, I might say that everything that precedes editing is merely a way of producing film to edit."[3]
Edward Dmytryk stipulates seven "rules of cutting" that a good editor should follow:[4]
"Rule 1: Never make a cut without a positive reason."
"Rule 2: When undecided about the exact frame to cut on, cut long rather than short."[5]
"Rule 3: Whenever possible cut 'in movement'."[6]
"Rule 4: The 'fresh' is preferable to the 'stale'."[7]
"Rule 5: All scenes should begin and end with continuing action."[8]
"Rule 6: Cut for proper values rather than proper 'matches'."[9]
"Rule 7: Substance first—then form."[10]
According to Walter Murch, when it comes to film editing, there are six main criteria for evaluating a cut or deciding where to cut. They are (in order of importance, most important first, with notional percentage values.):
Emotion (51%) — Does the cut reflect what the editor believes the audience should be feeling at that moment?
Story (23%) — Does the cut advance the story?
Rhythm (10%) — Does the cut occur "at a moment that is rhythmically interesting and 'right'" (Murch, 18)?
Eye-trace (7%) — Does the cut pay respect to "the location and movement of the audience's focus of interest within the frame" (Murch, 18)?
Two-dimensional plane of the screen (5%) — Does the cut respect the 180 degree rule?
Three-dimensional space of action (4%) — Is the cut true to the physical/spatial relationships within the diegesis?
Murch assigned the notional percentage values to each of the criteria. "Emotion, at the top of the list, is the thing that you should try to preserve at all costs. If you find you have to sacrifice certain of those six things to make a cut, sacrifice your way up, item by item, from the bottom."-Murch

Some good documentaries on editing:
 The Cutting Edge Magic of Movie Editing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJcQgQHR78Q

Some Good books:
1) The Technique of Film Editing- Karel Reisz and Gavin Miller- Focal Press 
2) In the blink of an eye - Walter Murch

Some of the good short films available on the net

Well since I have made 3 short films now, I have done considerable research on the short films available on the net that I have liked. This is like a central database. I might have forgotten a few but will keep updating.The list is in no particular order (the order in which they appear on my mind)

1) Miracle Fish
I really liked this oscar nominated film coz of the story. It took me by surprise at the end. It has a great staying power in your mind - good aftertaste.



2) Signs
Nothing profound but amazingly simple - amazing repeat value. Really well structured.



3) Spin
How a good story can be told in 8 minutes. Really good acting.


4) Father and Daughter
This is actually animated film but by far my favourite. Very very profound.


5) Ten minutes
Watch this movie for one of the best long takes. Warning- will really hurt your heart.



6) Harvey Krumpet
This is a 22 minute animated film - I really like the nuances here - and the book of fakts :). How to use an interesting device.


7) The black rider
The people who have watched dev-d would rem this. Mr Kashyap used its concept for one of the scenes but it the build up in this 10 min film is too good. And the old lady though racist is really sweet.


8)Instead of Abracadabra:
3 part short film - really amazing acting - really great nuances


9) The New Boy


10) The new Tenant - this won an oscar - really whacko


11)

To ber continued... got to go. Please help contri.

Some nights

Some nights the world dies,
And I see myself as a spec,
Sitting alone, lighted by a tiny lamp.
And as I call out to the world -
All I hear back is my echo.

And some nights I am surrounded by people,
Eating drinking making merry,
And with them I go go from one dance floor to another.
And as I hurry along I feel,
Life leaving me after every dance.

Some nights - normal nights -I try to remember -
The most beautiful memory of my life
And then wonder why
It doesn't come with smile anymore
And everytime I touch it with my finger,
I find
Dust settled all over it's floor.

And then there are some nights like tonight
when I wake up
And find the world quiet and violet
I look out of my window for a while
And try to make sense -
Of the velvet darkness outside
And as I wait... suddenly I see
At the far away distance -

My first morning light.

saurabh

saurabh logged into facebook after ages today - only to share the trailor of my movie uss paar.. sigh...i am touched...



Well I like the trailer. I see it every morning :).

Epilogue

Dorze: How are you now

Nima:

Dorze:

Nima's identity

Bua: Why din't you like it when she called you a milkman.
Nima: I am not a milkman.

Visiting 2005

One of the memories in my old blog - thinking what i was thinking then - http://iitk2us.blogspot.com/2005/12/suffering-quotient.html

so it is interesting

the concept of surprise dinner outings...

Yeshe to Nima

I do wish love was comfortable ...

The mermaid dream

Will it be just like the dreams
Where one becomes the water..
And laughs and plays and jumps...

Or will it be masked by the crude reality
Where the bodies restrict our flows
And the souls limit our depth ...

Or will it be some third thing
Not the dreams nor the real thing
Somewhere in between
Maybe I would be tied to a rope
The invisible one
And I will float all over
Discovering the possibilities in that radius....like
Touching the blue star fish
Collecting the pearls....
And once I have the pearls in my hands ...
I would let them slip
From between my fingers
To the bottom of the ocean
And not care ...
And then may be one day I would tickle the yellow stone
And it would silently laugh
But won't admit
The Embarassment of discovering how to laugh.

(unfinished)

phuket

here i come !!!

was talking about that thing of life

with bro ...why are the most unattainable things the most coveted ?

memories

Nima: Who was she ?

Yeshe: ......Some memories are like bubbles... better leave them untouched.

Random day dreams...

"So you look familiar ...have we met earlier ?"

Imaginary answer: "No we haven't met. Not in the past. But may be you don't know me from the past... you know me from the future. Maybe we would meet again and again in a way that would make this familiarity of today justifiable...maybe we would fall in love - the real eternal kind...
.. Or maybe we would never meet in the future and instead spend random moments of our lives wondering why we found ourselves familiar today or ...again...
...maybe we have never met in the past and we will never meet in the future and no thought of eachother will ever cross our mind and then that would make this moment of our interaction so potent that it would require contemplation of all our past and future lives.........hmmmm.....or maybe we are not meeting even now...and it is just my dream..."


Real answer: "No"




-Arati